


La vida se pierde y yo quiero la vida otra vez

by zsab1016



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: 30 Day OTP Challenge, Angst, Consensual Infidelity, Established Relationship, Hurt, Infidelity, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 10:44:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 37,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16491047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsab1016/pseuds/zsab1016
Summary: Sergio and Fernando have been together for years but are currently in a long-distance relationship since Fernando has moved to Japan for his career finale, leaving Sergio and their old life behind in Spain. The new situation is putting their love to the test.Glimpses into their past.





	1. Mysterious bruises

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! My first attempt of participating in a 30 day OTP challenge. Yay! XD  
> Please don't ask me why I chose the angst prompts, I'm usually all about harmony! Anyway, let's see how it goes.  
> Can't promise to manage an update everyday though.  
> Hope you enjoy!

It's way too early in the morning when Fernando's alarm clock rings, telling him to get up to watch his boyfriend's match. He doesn't do that often but when the longing gets too strong it's one way to help him get over the pain. In these moments he always curses himself for choosing Japan over a European club as his final career destination. Why had he done that again? So when he's wiped the sleep out of his tired eyes he switches on the TV on the wall of his bedroom and flips through the channels until he finds the Real Madrid game. Just in time to watch the players enter the field. Fernando loves the close up when they show the captains with the referee for the choice of the sides. There he is. The beautiful creature of a man he was lucky enough to call his boyfriend. Radiating nothing but strength and eagerness to fight for his team and the club. A shiver runs through Fernando's body at the sight of the captain's armband wrapped tightly around the muscular arm. Oh how he wishes to cling onto that arm at the very moment. Instead he has to settle with nuzzling into a sweater of his love he managed to snatch at their last parting. A smile finds its way onto his sleepy face as he watches Sergio jogging into position like a lion ready to go after his prey.

The game didn't go too well. Well, that's actually an understatement. They played crap. Just like the last five matches. Always struggling and running around the pitch unorganizedly like a bunch of scared up pigeons. Normally Fernando wouldn't mind seeing the "wrong" Madrid team lose but in this case he just feels sorry for his boyfriend. And he hates the fact that he is on the fucking other side of the planet and can't be there to comfort him.

Fernando tries to call him straight after the game. He knows Sergio probably needs some time with interviews and taking a shower but he wants him to know that he's right there with him. Somehow. In his heart, Fernando tells himself.

When he reaches his voicemail he decides to leave a message.

"Hey, amor! I just wanted to let you know that I watched your game. Head up, lion! Call me whenever you feel like it. Te amo."

Fernando sighs when he puts his phone on the bedside table and switches off the TV. It's still only six in the morning. And although he's worried about Sergio he's too tired to stay up, so he gives in to the wave of tiredness rushing over him and immediately falls asleep again.

When he wakes up it's already 9 a.m. Unconsciously he grabs his phone to check the time and see if Sergio's tried to reach him. No message. Not even a small text. Nothing. Fernando frowns. That's unusual. He knows it's late at night in Spain now but he tries to call him again anyway. No answer. Shit. Something's clearly wrong. That's very untypical of his boyfriend.

Fernando couldn't escape reading the devastating headlines that have popped up in relation to the game everywhere on social media and the internet. It's already afternoon and he's still worried about Sergio when his phone finally announces a message by said person.

_Sorry. Didn't want to worry you. I'm ok._

Fernando snorts. That's all?

_Can I call you?_

When he doesn't get an immediate reply, he decides to videocall anyway. Fuck it. He misses him!

"Come on, answer the fecking call!" Fernando snarls at the screen impatiently.

"Hey," a tired looking Sergio greets him.

"Hey," Fernando greets back, trying to put a sympathetic touch to his voice, "are you alright?"

"Sure."

"I see…" Fernando is disappointed with the short tailed answer. "I miss you, amor."

Instead of receiving an answer, however, Fernando has to watch someone saying goodbye to Sergio in the background. He can't tell who it is, it's too blurry.

"Who was that?" he hears himself snap with unintended jealousy that unexpectedly washes over him at the sight of another man leaving his boyfriend's house at seven in the morning.

"Who?" Sergio replies absentmindedly when his face slides back into picture.

Fernando bites his tongue to stop himself from freaking out over something probably irrelevant. Still he can't get rid of the unsettling feeling in his stomach.

"Never mind. So, how are you feeling?" Fernando tries to hide his own current uncomfort.

"I'm ok. No need to worry. Listen, Fer, I gotta hurry. Training, you know," Sergio replies half-heartedly.

"Babe, what's wrong? I know the game was tough and all but please talk to me!"

Sergio sighs, obviously annoyed, "Fer..."

That's when Fernando notices something's definitely off. "Sese, what's that on your neck? Are you hurt?" He remarks as he comes closer to the little screen with his eyes.

"Hm?" Sergio touches himself where he thinks Fernando is looking at, a short glint of surprise flashing over his face. "Oh, that's nothing. I'm alright."

"Sergio Ramos García, don't you dare lie to me! I can totally tell it by the tip of your nose! Those bruises weren't there during the match. They showed your close up several times and believe me, I watched intensely enough to tell. So?" Fernando didn't mean to bitch but he couldn't help his jealousy when his boyfriend acted so strangely out of the blue and when another man (was it even a man?) just left his house at seven in the morning.

"Fer, stop bugging me, please. I said it's nothing. I'll talk to you later."

"I love y-", Fernando wants to make up for his rant but Sergio's hung up already and his face disappeared from the screen, leaving him behind with this ugly, uneasy feeling in his chest. Damn, he hated being in a long-distance reltionship. Who was it again who put them into this situation? Oh, wait…

 


	2. Argument

It's not like Sergio had never been unfaithful before. There were some troublesome phases in their relationship years ago when Fernando was playing in England and they didn't see each other very often. But they had made the decision together. Fernando wouldn't have gone if Sergio would have asked him not to. They had agreed that they'd manage a long-distance relationship. They kept reminding themselves that a relationship always meant work. Daily. By both partners. Long-distance or not.

So when Fernando first found out about Sergio interpreting their relationship a little more casual with time, he was furious. Disappointed. Shattered. Lost. They could have at least talked about it, couldn't they?   
After a while and a lot of explaining from Sergio's side Fernando had understood. Tried to. Accepted that part of his boyfriend. He had settled with the fact that it obviously needed more than him to tame a wild lion like the Andalusian. After this Fernando hadn't exactly been a saint either. But that were just minor paybacks at that time. He didn't need it. Really. Whenever they met again, however, they were reminded how much they loved the other and why. No doubts about that. When after eight long years Fernando had finally returned to Madrid, they had ended their unwritten agreement. No more side leaps. No more cheating. No more uncertainty.

Fernando should have seen it coming. Him going to Japan after they had gotten used to being around each other everyday for three years was like a throwback to 2007. Just worse. The parting was less predictable, less necessary, less comprehensible (at least for Sergio). But he was sure they had gotten over it.

Fernando had tried to stay calm after their last video call. But he just couldn't stop himself from putting together several possible scenarios as to how these mysterious bruises found their way to his boyfriend's neck - the person leaving his house early in the morning and worst of all Sergio being distant and not willing to tell him. He had just hung up on him. What was he supposed to think?

Don't freak out, Fernando. He was just tired. He had a horrible match. You know how grumpy he can be. No need to make up horror scenarios. Just talk to him and everything will be fine.

Fernando keeps repeating these lines in his head while pacing up and down his kitchen. The incertitude is vexing him. He looks out of the window, frowning at the thick grey clouds and pouring rain, "Great, even the sky is whining."

He stops pacing and grabs his phone.

Fernando bites what's left of his fingernails until he hears the familiar voice on the other end of the line.

"Fer, que pasa? Didn't I tell you to stop worrying about me?"

Nice.

That's when even the ever composed, harmony-loving Fernando Torres loses it.

"Well, if I recall correctly you said to stop bugging you which is a huge difference to me. What the fuck is wrong with you? What did I do wrong that you treat me like that? Honestly, I get up in the middle of the night to watch you play, to support you from here as good as I can. I worry about you because I'm not indifferent to how you feel. Don't shut me out on your feels as if I weren't there for you!!!" Fernando spit at his phone in higher volume than probably necessary.

"Hey!" Sergio finally interjects, "No need to shout at me! Really, Fernando, did that piss you off like that?"

"Did that piss me- Sergio, for real? You wanna know what makes me pissed?! I'll tell you: a boyfriend on the other side of the world who doesn't give a shit about his boyfriend caring about him after he most likely feels like shit after losing yet again! But you know what? I no longer care. Looks like you found a replacement in less than four months, haven't you?" Fernando practically screams into his phone.

"Are you really going there, Fer?" Sergio replied surprisingly calm.

Fernando forces himself to breathe calmly before speaking again, "Who was that woman leaving your house this morning?"

He knows he should be reasonable and talk like a mature person about his feelings but instead, clever as he is, he goes for a little detour to find out if his suspicion was true.

"Woman?!"

Ha.

"I knew it. It was a man. Who was he?" Fernando holds his breath while waiting for the answer.

"Does that matter?" Sergio replies noticeably annoyed.

"I don't know? Depends on what he did in your house."

"Fernando. Stop it! You need to calm down before we continue this talk."

"I need to calm down? Sergio, what am I supposed to think when I see another man leaving your house at seven in the morning, you having mysterious bruises on your neck and you don't even bother telling me who he was?" Fernando is close to tears now. He suddenly feels so betrayed. And lonely. And he feels bad for screaming at his boyfriend when he originally just wanted to comfort him. Somehow his jealousy has turned him into a freaking bitch.

"Fernando, seriously, it's useless to talk right now. Let me call you later. I promise to do so. Bye," Sergio ends the call yet again.

Fernando let's his phone drop to the floor before he curls down over it, sobbing shamelessly into the sleeves of his sweater.

 


	3. Betrayal

_August 2008_

"I can't believe they acted like everything was perfectly normal. The celebrations! God, I don't even want to think about that anymore. I had no idea like. Xabi, I trusted him. I trusted both of them!" Fernando exclaims looking at his fellow Spaniard with puffy eyes.

Xabi just strokes Fernando's hair incessantly.

"Xabi, he's our fucking captain! He's supposed to… he's supposed to-"

That's when Fernando bursts into tears.

"Why, Xabi, why? Why him?" Fernando is sobbing into Xabi's lap.

Xabi had come over after Fernando's desperate, incomprehensible S.O.S. call fifteen minutes ago. Now he's on the sofa in Fernando's sitting room in his Liverpool home rocking him back and forth, letting him drench his t-shirt with tears.

"Sshhh, I don't know, Fer. But I'm sure it meant nothing." Xabi had no idea what he could say or should say to make him feel better. He just wasn't good at this stuff.

Fernando swallows hard and wipes his eyes dry. He pops his head up and looks Xabi in the eyes. And suddenly he feels the urgent need to pay Sergio back and without further thinking he does what feels best in this very moment.

His lips lock with Xabi's.

And then he's on autopilot. Claiming the other man's lips like there's no tomorrow.

Xabi's caught off guard. But he kisses back automatically. Until...

"Stop, Fer! God, you don't know what you're doing."

"What? You don't like it?" Fernando retorts panting, not planning to stop.

Fernando who is still in Xabi's lap feels the older man's dick come to life beneath him.

"Liking it too much, don't you?" He remarks and grabs Xabi by the neck to pull him in for another needy kiss while working on the button of his pants with the other hand.

Xabi doesn't have the power to resist and fuck it, he doesn't want to. He has an outrageously gorgeous young man wanting him right now and it's been way to long. If that's what Fernando needs right now, then he's ok with it. Although he knows that this can never be the right solution. But drowning the pain in alcohol wouldn't be an option either. And he isn't good at talking and providing comforting words, so…

But he's a reasonable man, and both Fernando's and Sergio's friend and thus hesitates once again.

"Fer," Xabi breaks the kiss, "Nando, you know this won't feel as good in the morning as it might feel now? In fact it will feel-"

Fernando tugs at the waistband of Xabi's pants.

"Will you just shut up, please, and take your fucking pants off?" Fernando hisses at the friendly reminder.

"But he's _your_ friend, too."

Fernando gave a disapproving snort. "He didn't give a fuck about being my friend when he shoved his dick up my boyfriend's ass. So I don't give a fuck about his friendship now."

They're working on each other's pants when Xabi makes one last weak attempt to pull the ripcord.

"I'm just saying that-"

"Off!" Fernando orders.

And then Xabi's putty in the blond's hands.

***

"I'm sorry, Xabi. Can we… Can we…?"

"Fer, it's alright. I know it meant nothing. I won't tell. I know you pretended I was him. I don't judge you."


	4. Hate Sex

_November 2015_

_El Clásico_

"Get down from me, dickhead!" Sergio caws when after a collision with Barças Gerard Piqué he finds himself buried under the other defender and threatens to choke under his weight.

"As if you're not enjoying it!" Gerard retorts into his ear, getting up with a smug grin.

"You wish!" Sergio yells at him as he jogs back into position which only earns him a cocky wink.

  
They're screwed. They lost 0:4 in their own stadium. The crowd is whistling mercilessly. And Sergio can totally understand them. He would beat himself up for the shitty performance if he were in their place. All he wants to do now is get away from all of it as soon as possible and flee to the shelter of his home, where he knows Fernando is waiting for him, willing to do whatever is necessary to make him feel better.

On his way out of the dressing room he's once again confronted with his "favourite" enemy. Just what he needed. Not.

"Going home to cry in your lover's lap, Ramos?"

That little fucker.

"Fuck you!"

"Nah, thanks for the offer. Maybe next time"

Sergio's body clenched at the ability of the taller man to just twist his words and rile him up this easily. He whines mentally at how wimpy he reacts to his provocations today. Usually he'd have a matching reply for him, seeing that this has been going on between them for years. But not today. Today he's just too tired and it has all just been too much. And he just hates everyone. He hates himself. And most of all he hates Piqué and his complacent ego.

Sergio contemplates whether to punch him in the face or utter the words he has got ready in the back of his mind. Or maybe what option to go for first. He decides to just show him his middle finger and leaves, his heart beating wildly in his chest.

***

"Lay on your stomach!" Sergio commands.

Fernando obeys without hesitation. He knows how to deal with Sergio after such a massive defeat in an important game like the Clásico. He knows what Sergio would do back when he still played in England and wasn't there to comfort him. He had accepted the fact that his boyfriend had gone to find other men to relieve his feeling of failure then. It was his way of dealing with the pressure. After a while Fernando thought he understood what it's like for him. However, he was glad that now that he's back in Madrid Sergio would always come find him to deal with his problems, his pain. After all he's his partner. His confidant. His love. His home.

Sergio doesn't bother going gentle on Fernando tonight. He thrusts into him harshly without preparation which draws hisses of pain from the striker's mouth. Sergio keeps thrusting in and out relentlessly, one hand sliding into Fernando's hair and tugging just a bit too hard for his liking.

Fernando knows what Sergio's doing. He understands, so he just lets him have it his way and patiently endures whatever he's going to do to him, although he's not getting any pleasure from it himself. Quite the contrary. But it's ok. He loves Sergio. And Sergio loves him.

"How do you like that, asshole?" Sergio spits while fucking Fernando as he starts spanking him.

Fernando tries to keep quiet.

After another painful minute he suddenly feels Sergio's hands tightening roughly around his neck, choking him. He's about to protest when he hears the brunette's spiteful scream.  
  
"Where's your big mouth now, hijo de puta?!"

Fernando doesn't notice he's crying until Sergio finally comes violently, emptying into him trembling before he collapses onto his back.

When Sergio's come down from his high he notices Fernando's quiet sobs, making him realize what he's just done to him.

"God, Nando, I'm so sorry!" Sergio apologizes guiltily, leaving the most tender kisses on Fernando's freckled shoulder.

"Next time just warn me when you're planning on killing a certain culé," he replied with a barely there smile on his mouth.

"I'm so sorry, honestly, I love you! I just hate that hi-"

"You don't hate him, amor," Fernando cuts Sergio off, thinking how glad he is that despite his boyfriend's odd sexual needs, he doesn't go fuck other guys anymore, "You admire him."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to state that in contrast to what you just read, I absolutely adore Serard and don't believe in them being enemies at all! ♡


	5. Break-up

Everytime his phone rings Fernando jumps as he desperately waits for Sergio's promised call. It seems like all the world has something important to talk about to him today. Except he can't focus on anything they're saying as long as he doesn't get the one call he's expecting the most.

Fernando is about to go to bed when his phone finally announces Sergio's incoming call.

"Hey!" Fernando answers a little too eager.

"Hola, Am- Fernando."

Fernando notices the odd greeting. So he waits for Sergio to continue.

"So… I guess I owe you an explanation."

Fernando decides to remain silent.

"Listen, Fer, this isn't going to be easy. How do I start?"

He holds his breath at the announcement of his boyfriend's words.

"So that man you saw leaving my house… He… We... God, how do I explain this properly?"

"Just name it. You fucked?" Fernando can here his voice being filled with accusation again.

"Just… No, not exactly. But I had him do things to me in order to-"

"Do things to you?!" Fernando spits, "What does that mean?"

"I… The bruises you saw on my neck… I asked him to choke me."

Fernando bites his tongue to prevent himself from blurting things he might regret in a minute. He forces himself to stay calm and listen to Sergio's explanation. He could only try to imagine how bad his pain after the defeat must have been if he picked up resorting to such means again.

"Did he do anything else?" Fernando asked dryly, not sure if he really wanted to know the answer.

"Fernando, please…" Sergio sighed, building up courage for what he's about to say next.

"What, Sergio?"

"I can't take this any longer. I am who I am and I will always fail you. I just can't. God, I'm so sorry for always hurting you. But that's gonna end now. I love you, I really do. Only you, you know that, Fer, right?" Sergio's voice nearly breaks.

"Sergio, what are you trying to imply?"

Sergio's voice is shaky when he finally spills his guts, "I think it's best to end our relationship before I do you any more harm."

Fernando doesn't trust his ears and is too shocked to say anything.

"I know I promised to be faithful ever since you had returned to Madrid and believe me, I've always been since then. But you being gone again, I just can't deal with it. I won't hurt you any longer! God, you deserve better than me."

Fernando's throat is as dry as the Sahara and it hurts when he swallows to form his incredulous reply, "You're kidding me."

"Fer..."

"No, no, NO! You're not breaking up with me via phone!" Fernando yells at him.

"Believe me, it's not an easy decision for me," Sergio tries to reason.

"The fuck it is! That's bullshit! I'm not going to accept this! You can't… you can't just…" Fernando suddenly can't breathe anymore. He collapses onto the floor, gasping for air. He just can't believe what he's hearing. This must be a fucking nightmare. Sure he's going to wake any minute?

"Fer? FER?! Are you still there???" Sergio's voice barely reaches him.

When he realizes this isn't a bad dream, Fernando composes himself to fight for his relationship. He's not going to accept it just like this.

"You can't just leave me like that! Not even you, Mr. Sergio Badass Ramos! You can't just throw thirteen years away like that! I love you! And you love me! It just makes no sense!"

"Nando, please," Sergio struggles not to give in.

"No! Just no! I'm wearing your fucking name on my skin!" Fernando is spitting into his phone.

Sergio feels tears pricking in his eyes at that.

"I know."

"Why, Sergio, why? I don't get it. To not hurt me? You know what hurts me? That gutless attempt of breaking up with me! Via phone! That's just… ugh! I've put up with your crazy personality for thirteen fucking years! I know all your dirty secrets and your flaws which I know I have, too! And I still love you! I can live with your little side leaps if that's what it takes to be with you. Fine. I'll manage. I managed for almost eight years! Yeah, I admit it fucking hurts, but it's a joke compared to the unbearable idea of losing you! You hear me?!" Fernando ends his rant totally out of breath, his heart racing at an unhealthy rate.

Sergio is sobbing painfully by now.

"Please, it's for your own good."

"Is it because of him?" Fernando's voice has a cold tone now.

"No. Fer-"

"Who was it? I know him, don't I? That's why you won't tell me, right?"

"Yes, you know him," Sergio admits.

"Who?"

"Fer..."

"WHO!!!" Fernando is screaming now, desperate to know who that little fucker was that makes his boyfriend doubt their relationship like that. He's scared as hell though to hear the name.

Sergio hesitates. He doesn't want to betray their joint  friend. But he also feels Fernando deserves to know it. So he finally whispers, "Nacho."

Fernando gasps at that revelation. Anyone. It could have been anyone. But Nacho? Nachito? That man couldn't harm a fly if he was paid a million Euros. He was one of the most caring and loyal friends he could think of and - oh... That's the point, Fernando concludes. Nacho could never deny anyone anything. Least of all his irresistibly charming friend and captain when he was in the state he was in after that horrible match.

Still Fernando was shocked. Disappointed. Hurt.

"Sergio," Fernando hears his own voice tremble as he wipes some stray tears off his face, "I understand that you're only trying to protect me, but please don't break up with me. I wouldn't bear losing you. I love you. Do you hear me?"

Sergio's tears are flowing mercilessly by now.

"Fernando, please accept my decision. I'm going to hang up now. I need some time to myself to-"

"Fuck you!" Fernando snaps before he hangs up first, giving in to crying shamelessly. Again. Heartbroken.


	6. Losing In A Final Match

_2016_

_Champions League Final, Milan_

Why on earth did they have to play that damn final against each other? They were both more than proud of the other for reaching that final. They both deserved it. No doubt. 

However, when it comes to playing the Champions League final you can't afford to let your feelings get in your way. Fernando knows what a tough and ruthless defender Sergio can be. He didn't become one of the best center backs in the world and captain of his team for no reason. He would dare to say that he liked competing against Sergio sometimes. But every time Atletico plays against Real he is reminded why again he doesn't like it at all. One point is that he always seems to forget how brutal Sergio goes on him. But that's the game. Defender stops striker. Easy as that. Fernando sometimes thinks Sergio goes extra hard on him. Then he sees him tackling the other guys and realizes that no - he definitely doesn't. Not on purpose at least.

When Sergio (of all people) scores the opening goal in the 15th minute Fernando screams mentally and curses the heavens, asking what he's done wrong that they punish him like that.

Is it wrong of him to not be happy for his boyfriend? No, most certainly not. This is business. That's their job. But then again, he should be proud of him that he was doing so well in his job? No. For fuck's sake. If this was about business then his company should most certainly win the deal. They fucking earned it. Them - Atletico de Madrid. Not the always winning model student Real. Just for once. Was that too much of a plea?

Fernando gets fouled. Penalty shot. Griezmann misses.

"…"

  
In the 61st minute Fernando gets a yellow card. He's pissed. No, no, no! He wouldn't let himself get frustrated and give up just yet. He wouldn't lose this fucking match.

Finally, in the 79th minute Carrasco scores the 1:1. The dream lives on! In the 93rd minute Sergio gets a yellow card, too. Fernando catches himself thinking something like _wow, did he really only get one now?_ And he catches himself thinking _now we're even._ Is this nasty of him?

They manage to get through extra time to the penalty shootout. Fernando's heart is racing like mad. He doesn't waste a thought on that Sergio's is probably, too. He can't believe that this was going to be decided by fucking lottery luck. Ok, it's a question of strength of nerve. But still.

Whatever. Fernando believes in his team. But so does captain Ramos in his own.

Of course they win. Real fucking Madrid win. As if they haven't won this goddamned competition like a hundred times already. This time it should have been his team winning. There is no proper word to describe Fernando's emotions right now. Not even a thousand words could describe his state of disappointment mixed with anger properly. There's just no sufficient expression.

Inbetween the instant celebrations Sergio shoots him a pitiful look. Fernando just feels annoyance rising up inside of him. He doesn't want Sergio's sympathy and he can't bring himself to feel happy for his boyfriend right now. Is he being selfish? Vicious? He couldn't care less. He just wants to get back to the hotel as quickly as possible and pity himself on his own.

***

Fernando is rooming with Griezmann who thankfully left him alone when Fernando had kindly asked him to.

He is lying in his bed, hiding beneath the blanket to shut out the unfair, evil world, and frets.

When he hears a knock on the door, he doesn't want to answer it. But whoever this is, is really persistent. Annoying. So he finally gives in and climbs out of bed to find out who the troublemaker was. This better be important.

"Saúl?" Fernando whispers in surprise.

Saúl doesn't bother asking whether he can come in. He just pulls Fernando into a tight hug and closes the door behind them. 

Fernando allows himself to be comforted by the unexpected, warm embrace. He doesn't have the strength and can see no reason to decline the offered consolation at this stage.

Two minutes later he finds himself back in his bed, his teammate snuggled up against his back. When Saúl can feel Fernando has calmed down enough, he brings his hands up and squeezes lightly at the older man's shoulders. Then a little more firmly.

Fernando shifts to lie down on his stomach now, hoping to convey his invitation for Saúl to continue.

The young midfielder gets the hint and climbs on top of his back (he doesn't dare to sit down on his butt) and starts massaging his shoulders and neck properly. He can feel Fernando relax distinctly.

When he's mustered up enough courage he leans down to press a light kiss on his neck. Just a peck.

No resistance.

Another peck. Another kiss. Another. Just one more.

It feels good. The affection feels good, Fernando thinks.

A blissful sigh leaves his mouth. He turns around, making Saúl slide down from him.

"Thank you," he whispers.

"Anytime." Saúl lets his fingers ghost over Fernando's stomach then. A bit further down. He doesn't need to touch _there_ to notice the appreciation.

He locks eyes with Fernando in silent question.

Fernando somehow must have given him an ok since he feels his friend's fingers sliding under his t-shirt and up his sides.

They're soft. They're warm. They feel good. Soothing.

But they shouldn't be Saúl's fingers. They should be Sergio's fingers. Fernando suddenly feels guilty for all the envious thoughts earlier on and begrudging his boyfriend the victory.

They had both promised to be faithful ever since Fernando's return to Madrid. He doesn't plan on ruining Sergio's trust. And he doesn't want to complicate his friendship with Saúl either.

"Saúl," Fernando's voice is soft and calm, "Stop. Please."

The younger man pauses but is still leaning over him, resting his hands where they last roamed.

They don't notice the door to the hotel room being opened.

Fernando shakes his head slightly, repeating his request with more emphasis, "Saúl, please stop!"

The next thing Fernando notices is Sergio leaping at Saúl and shoving him of the bed, growling,

"Get your filthy hands off him!"   
  



	7. Unexpected Transfer

_January 2007_

"I'm leaving Atleti."

"To finally join the right Madrid team?" Sergio responds jokingly to the unexpected statement.

He's in the kitchen, trying to fry some eggs for breakfast.

When he doesn't hear a reaction from Fernando he turns his head to find his boyfriend leaning in the door frame, face deadserious. He looks tense.

"You're kidding me. You love Atletico."

"Do I look like I'm telling a joke?"

Sergio examines his faces, looking for a hint of mischief. He finds none.

Sergio's face turns pale. The eggs in the pan are forgotten.

"Nando, amor, what do you mean by that?" He asks concerned while making his way over to Fernando.

"As I said. I'm leaving Atleti by the end of this season."

Sergio takes his cold hands, leading him over to a chair where he makes him sit down and then takes the seat opposite, still clasping the other's hands.

"And where are you going?" Sergio sounds anxious.

"That depends," Fernando deadpans looking at their hands.

"On what?" Sergio's heart is beating way too fast by now.

"On you." Fernando finally looks up.

Sergio wrinkles his forehead, stareing at him in question.

"Amor, are you feeling alright? You seem a bit… confused?"

"No, Sese. I'm serious. I won't go if you asked me not to." Fernando's voice is alarmingly calm.

Sergio feels his own hands starting to get sweaty.

"Fer... I don't know. Are we talking about a concrete offer?"

"Not just one. But I have a preference. However, I wanted to talk it through with you. If you don't approve it's not an option. Then I'll stay in Spain."

That's when the smell of burnt eggs and the ear-splitting sound of the smoke-detector makes them jump.

"Holy fuck!"

***

They've talked about it. Of course Fernando would transfer to Liverpool. Sergio would never deny him the opportunity to take the next step in his career. Yes, he is shocked. But he expected it to happen one day. He knows Fernando wouldn't want to play for any other La Liga club than his beloved Atelti. There was still time until the end of the season. Until Fernando would leave. And it wouldn't be forever, would it? Sure he would return someday? To Spain. To him.

Sergio didn't know then how hard the spatial separation would really become to bear.

***

_March 2018_

"I can't believe it's happening again."

"Sese, it won't be for long. One year, maybe two. Then we'll have the rest of our lives together. Promised," Fernando tries to reason his decision.

***

Sergio let him. Of course. Who was he to prevent Fernando Torres from doing what he thinks is best for him? He can't relate to Fernando's reasons though. This certainly isn't about money. But if it is only to prove himself that he could still play on a high level, scoring goals, not being benched all the time, why does it have to be so far away? He could have just chosen the Bundesliga. Like Raúl before. The offers were there.

 _I want a new challenge_.

It almost seems like he couldn't get away far enough from him.

 


	8. Not Understanding The Language

_August 2008_

 

Sergio doesn't actually have time for this. But he needs to clarify things. So he asks the coach after today's training to give him two days off. Great, Sergio, in the middle of the preseason. He's granted them anyway.

So he finds himself sitting in a plane to Liverpool via London three hours later on this unbearably hot August summer day. Even though travelling first class he notices some people eyeing him suspiciously. Of course they notice the freshly-baked  European football champion. What's he up to in England? But they thankfully leave him alone.

Once Sergio exits the airport he's surprised by a nice prime example English rain shower. Fantastic. He's soaked wet down to his underwear within five seconds. Like literally. Sergio swears and superstitious as he is instantly interprets this as a bad sign. He shouldn't have come here without prior announcement. Surely Fernando doesn't want to see him.

He returns inside to take a minute to think about what to do next. It was a bad idea coming here. No. It was a bad idea fucking with Iker. Otherwise he wouldn't have to come here. Now.

Maybe he should look for something to eat and grab a coffee first. He can't think straight with his stomach complaining about the lack of work. Sergio didn't eat anything on the plane because he'd been too nervous.

"You alright, sir?"

"Hm?" Sergio is startled by the unexpected addressing.

"Well, you look kinda… soaked? Cold? Confused? Lost?"

He doesn't grasp what the airport employee is saying who keeps providing words that may describe his state. He hates this strange language he isn't really good at anyway and worse - the unfamiliar accent around here. He's annoyed.

Only then he notices how forlorn and foolish he must look standing in the middle of the entrance hall in his drenched shorts and white t-shirt clinging to his chest, wearing sunglasses and a hat for disguise. Oh, right. Like a naïve tourist who didn't check the weather forecast of his destination. What to be honest he didn't do in his hasty departure.

Sergio looks at the woman in front of him in sudden realization and then just runs outside again. Thank God he only brought a backpack as luggage. What if she recognized him? No way. Why would Sergio Ramos just stand there at an English airport at this time of the year looking like a drowned rat.

He jumps into the backseat of the first taxi that's waiting in the row right outside and manages a brief "hello" before showing the driver the address of his destination. The man instantly starts babbling in his cryptic Scouse accent while setting off. Sergio doesn't understand a single word he utters, just notices him glancing doubtfully in the rearview mirror from time to time. Sergio guesses it's about his state of being soaked and the local weather.

When they finally arrive at the desires address the taxi driver announces the price for his journey. Sergio hands him a 50 pound note. He's glad he keeps some notes of several currencies as a backup for situations like these, where the name on the credit card could give him away. And he's kind of proud that he remembered to bring them in his haste.

"Ang on a mo," the driver mumbles rummaging his purse for the change. But Sergio's already out the door, hurrying away.

"Thanks, la!"

It's still raining, though not as bad. It suits Sergio's mood. Now that he's survived the taxi ride, the nervousness and insecurity have returned. What's he  even doing here? He's been here before but this time  it feels scary. He's here for the wrong reasons.

Sergio's standing in front of Fernando's door, contemplating whether to ring the bell or not. Somehow he wishes the door would just open by itself, revealing a beaming Fernando asking "Sese, what are you doing here?" and pulling him into a bonecrushing hug. But it's not going to happen.

He rings the bell. Once. Twice. Thrice.

Fuck. He should have known better than to expect Fernando to be at home. It's eight p.m. He's still soaked. He's cold. Why didn't he bring proper clothing? Or at least an umbrella?

Seeing that it's slowly getting dark Sergio goes creeping round the back of the house. Maybe he's lucky and there's an open door or window. He just hopes he doesn't get caught on CCTV.

Of course there's no open door, silly. What did he think how this would go?

That's when he notices the headlights of a car approaching the driveway. He doesn't know why but he hides behind a bush to observe the scene.

That's clearly his boyfriend getting out of the passenger seat and another man climbing out of the driverseat. The other man fetches a sportsbag from the boot and hands it to Fernando. Sergio hears them speak. In English. Of course it's in English. Of course he doesn't understand a word. God, he hates this fucking language. He hates this shitty weather. And he hates himself very much right now.

They laugh. They hug. And then the man drives off and Fernando enters his house.

Sergio thinks he should wait at least two minutes before ringing the bell to make it look like a lucky coincidence that Fernando came home just now. And so Fernando can say just that when he (hopefully) opens the door.  
  



	9. Homesick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not too much angst in this one but I needed a break before turning to full angst mode in the next chapters again. 
> 
> And sorry for being so slow with the updates. Hope you still enjoy this!

_August 2008_

 

_Come on, open the damn door._

Finally.

Fernando doesn't say a word. He just looks at him blankly.

"Can I come in?"

Fernando steps aside to let him in. _Thank you, God!_

Sergio isn't sure where to go as he's leaving water drops on the floor with every step but he assumes the kitchen is alright as it's tiled. He would do the least damage there.

Sergio is shaking. He's cold. And he's nervous. Insecure. So not like himself.

He doesn't notice Fernando's look changing from poker face to concerned when he's followed into the kitchen.

Sergio turns around. Fernando's back to looking unexpressive. Sergio can't read him. But he just can't bear this strange tension between them anymore. He reminds himself why he came here.

"Can... Can we talk?"

Fernando frowns before answering dryly, "I suggest you take a shower first. Or a bath. Whatever you prefer."

"Ok. Thanks." Sergio sighs in relief. Fernando's said at least something and agreed on a talk.

"I'll get you some towels," Fernandos voice is still emotionless.

Sergio moves in the direction of the small bathroom with the shower.

"Sese?" His tone is softer now and Sergio's heart jumps at the use of his petname. "How was your journey?"

Sergio stops to look at him with weary eyes, shoulders slumping unconsciously. "Ok, I guess?"

He doesn't want to admit how annoying it actually was, how everything went awkwardly from the moment he set foot on the island. How he crept around the back of his house soaked to the bones.

But Fernando is a clever boy and can read the signs.

"Go to the other bathroom. You look like you could use a proper bath."

Sergio gives him a thankful smile. Good, he still seems to care about him. So there's a chance he hasn't fucked up completely?

Sergio's trying to relax in the hot, soothing bubble bath. But of course he can't. His thoughts are spinning around the reason why he's here. He has something to explain to his boyfriend. Who is acting weird, Sergio realizes, now that he's had time to go through their encounter again.

He doesn't know what he thought how Fernando would react, but certainly not like this.

There's a knock on the door.

"Sese, can I come in?"

"Sure," Sergio replies quite surprised, not sure what to expect.

Fernando enters the bathroom slowly, two mugs in his hands which he puts down on the tub edge.

"I thought you might like a hot drink? I didn't know whether you'd prefer coffee or tea so I prepared both."

Sergio watches him suspiciously. What was going on here? Shouldn't Fernando be absolutely mad at him? Well, he must have been, considering that he hasn't reacted to any of his calls or texts since he had confessed his infidelity three days ago.

"Hey!" Sergio stops Fernando who is about to leave. "Stay. Please."

Fernando hesitates but decides to turn around and kneels beside the bath tub.

"Here." Sergio offers him the mug of tea with a soft smile and starts sipping on the coffee one.

"Thanks." Fernando accepts it.

And this is the first time Sergio sees Fernando smile back at him this evening. He's glad. But still he thinks his boyfriend is acting strangely.

They both tend to their drinks and share some shy glances while sipping in silence.

Sergio thinks it's a good sign that Fernando is still there even if he doesn't say anything. That's ok.

After another moment of silence Sergio risks touching his arm. Fernando let's him.

"Nando, I…"

"Tomorrow, Sese, ok?" Fernando stops him, putting his hand on Sergio's where it's touching his arm and squeezes it lightly.

"Does that mean I can...?"

"Of course."

"Thank you."

Sergio had really hoped he could stay at Fernando's but just because he's let him inside and offered him a bath, it didn't necessarily mean he would want him to stay.

"Nando?"

"Mh?"

Sergio cups his face with his left hand, marveling at the gorgeous, freckled face in front of him.  

"Join me?"

He can see Fernando contemplating and suddenly wishes he hadn't asked. This was taking step two before step one.

"Ok."

And so they end up sitting in the bathtub opposite one another, legs touching and chatting about random and innocuous stuff.

When Sergio's foot accidently slides under Fernando's ass, he cringes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to."

"It's ok." Fernando gives him a reassuring smile.

"Nando?"

"Yes, Sese?"

"Don't you ever feel homesick?" Sergio had realised that Fernando hasn't mentioned anything accordingly since his move to England, which made him wonder.

Fernando answers instantly, "I'm not homesick. I'm doing well and I'm just too busy to be, I guess ."

Sergio laughs quietly at this. It's just so Fernando.

"That's good," he says meaning it, "But I am."

Fernando looks surprised. "But Sese, why would you be homesick? You love Madrid!"

"I'm not talking about Seville." He pauses pensively before continuing, "I'm talking about you. You're my home."

His opposite's look changes to incredulous and somehow emphatic.

"I know this sounds absolutely cheesy…"

"No!" Fernando retorts, "It sounds exactly like you. I remember you singing love songs with your guitar to me…"

"Yeah, don't remind me. I know, these were truly cheesy."

They both giggle at this memory.

Fernando shifts closer, letting his hands stroke Sergio's legs. And suddenly everything feels as if nothing had happened between them and everything was ok. 

"Sese, you know that's why I fell in love with you, don't you?" Fernando sounds serious now.

"Honestly? For the love songs?" Sergio teases him which earns him a light slap on his knee but it comes with the most beautiful, genuine smile.

"Or maybe it was because of this," Fernando says and pulls him in for a passionate kiss.

Sergio gives in immediately. Their problems forgotten for tonight. 


	10. New Teammate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very loose interpretation of this one. Sorry, guys.

_August 2008_

  
Sergio had slept surprisingly well unlike Fernando who had been tossing and turning all night. And when he hadn't, he had been watching Sergio, contemplating their relationship.

He knows Sergio wants to explain why he had cheated on him. But he isn't sure whether he wants to know. He's scared. Isn't he good enough anymore? Did he do something wrong? Does Sergio not love him anymore?

Nonsense. He just told him last night that he was his home. That he was homesick for _him_. He wouldn't have come over otherwise, would he? But why on earth would he have to cheat on him then?

Sergio is still asleep when Fernando decides to get up. He makes his way to the kitchen and brews some coffee. He usually turns on a local radio station while preparing and having breakfast but today he feels like listening to something more familiar. Something from home. He connects his MP3-player with the stereo and lets the sounds of his famous Madrid friend's band fill the air.

He sits down at the table, hands clasped around the mug with the steaming black liquid, pondering again.

Fernando thinks he knows why he fears the talk with his boyfriend. He feels guilty for the immediate payback. It's been eating him up if he was honest. That's why he hadn't reacted to any of Sergio's calls or texts. He wasn't mad at him or Iker anymore. He was mad at himself. If Sergio was sincere enough to tell him and brave enough (or miserable enough - who knows) to even come all the way over to England for an explanation (whatever there was to explain about cheating), when he should really be at his team's preseason training, there must be a good reason. And Fernando might actually be the one who has just fucked up his relationship with his rash, thoughtless payback. Before he gets to the point of deciding whether he would tell Sergio at all, said spaniard enters the kitchen, hair tousled, making him look all the more beautiful.

"Buenos dias," Sergio greets him almost shyly.

"Hey," Fernando half smiles back at him, "Would you like some coffee?"

Sergio nods and Fernando is on his feet immediately to serve him a cup. He notices his fingers shaking while pouring the coffee. He isn't ready for this talk. But he sees no possibility to prolong it any further either. He sighs when he puts down the cup in front of Sergio who takes a seat opposite him.

"Gracias, amor."

Fernando's heart clenches at the choice of words. A simple thank you made special through his soft voice and the seemingly inappropriate _amor_. He suddenly doesn't want Sergio to explain anything to him anymore. Anything apart from his love. He wants him to tell him all those beautiful words why he loves him. How he fell in love with him. Only him. And moreover he wants him to sing him cheesy love songs again.

"So… I guess I owe you an explanation", Sergio starts after taking a sip of his coffee.

Fernando's head shoots up at this. "Sese, you don't have to…"

"Oh yes, I have to. I want to." His voice is severe.

Fernando shifts on his chair nervously.

"First of all, I love you. More than anything."

The words cause a painful sting in Fernando's heart.

"But I… how shall I put this? I felt lonely. No, wait. I felt miserable after a game where I really fucked up. You know we lost because of a really silly red card I got. Anyway, I know I should have turned to you. As usual. But I was so upset, I don't know. I didn't want to bother you. And then there was Iker to console me. I needed him to make me forget…," Sergio takes a deep breath and meets Fernando's eyes, "in a way you couldn't have. And he just did."

Fernando isn't sure what that's supposed to mean and he isn't sure whether he wants to know either. All he knows is that he isn't nearly as mad as he'd been when he got Sergio's confession call and that he loves the ridiculously pretty man in front of him no matter what.

"It's ok," he finally replies.

He doesn't want to, doesn't need to know any more details. He doesn't ask why he waited with his confession until after the Euros. It's obvious. He doesn't ask if it was the only time. If it would remain the only time. It probably won't. Will it only be Iker? Will there be others? He just doesn't want to know right now. He rather feels the urge to confess his infidelity, too, but he's scared as hell that he would lose Sergio, or a least his trust by doing so. Which is absurd considering Sergio is the one who put their relationship at risk with his cheating first.

"It's not. I understand if you are mad at me. But I need you to know that this has nothing to do with my love for you. It was completely-"

"Sergio, stop! Honestly, it's alright. I'm not mad at you. Not anymore. I don't know if I truly understand your reasons but I guess I have to accept it if I want to be with you."

Sergio breathes out in relief. Still he can't get rid of the feeling that Fernando acts not completely like himself. He never expected him to be the type to forgive infidelity so easily.

They look at each other. Insecurity spreading across both their faces on what to say or do next in view of their special situation.

"Fuck!" Fernando suddenly exclaims and both their heads shoot to the window as they hear the sound of a car approaching.

"Who is this?"

"That's Xabi. He's picking me up to training. I'm sorry, I totally forgot."

Sergio can see panic appear in the blond's hazel eyes.

"Oh no, I'm sorry. I never asked if you were off or had any appointments. Of course you have training!"

"You might want to hide!" Fernando yells alarmed and shoves Sergio off his chair and out of the kitchen.

*dingdong*

"What? Why?" Sergio can't understand the panic but hides in the bedroom, however, he leaves the door open a bit to hear what they're talking. Thank God in Spanish for a change.

  
Fernando opens the frontdoor to let Xabi in who greets him and walks into the kitchen as he always does. He instantly frowns at the two coffee mugs. Then he looks at Fernando who has obviously not bothered to get dressed properly yet. Xabi smirks.

"Already seduced one of the newbies, Fer?"

Fernando blushes. "What?"

Sergio bites his tongue. _What the fuck?_

"Come on, you had a visitor." Xabi pushes.

Fernando is at a loss for words, shaking his head. He just wants Xabi to shut up.

"Who was it? Don't tell me Mascherano? No, wait. Too old. Darby? Kelly?"

 _Oh, just shut the fuck up._ Fernando grits his teeth.

"Sorry, Xabi, but that's non of your business."

"Right," Xabi consents unconvincingly as he touches the still warm mugs, "He's still here, isn't he?"

"Just-" Fernando is about to silence Xabi when Sergio comes out of his hideout.

"Xabi, amigo, I guess I'm the new teammate you're looking for." 


	11. Jealousy

_August 2008_

 

"Oh, shit."

"Yeah, nice to see you, too," Sergio retorts and pulls him into a brief hug.

Xabi shoots Fernando a look over Sergio's shoulder as if to ask _does he know_ , but Fernando shakes his head hardly noticeable.

"What?" Sergio eyes up Xabi's face.

"I'm sorry, I mean... I'm just surprised. What are you doing here? In England?" God, Xabi wants to be swallowed by the earth beneath his feet.

"Visiting my boyfriend, I guess," Sergio replies unabashedly.

"Yeah, right. Of course. Um, Fer, I'm waiting in the car, ok? Adiós, Sergio." Xabi escapes the tense situation, his head bright red.

"So, I guess you need to go if you don't want to be late for training," Sergio adresses Fernando rather restrainedly.

Fernando scratches his neck, feeling uncomfortable. "Will you still be there when I return? Can… Can we talk then?"

"I'll be right here."

***

Sergio helps himself to a sweater and pants from Fernando's wardrobe after the latter has left the house. He loves the scent and the feeling of his boyfriend's clothes on him. Especially now that he's always so far away and they can only spend very few time together.

After he's checked his phone and returned some seemingly important missed calls and texts, Sergio makes himself another coffee.

Clutching the mug while sitting at the table, unknowingly imitating Fernando earlier on, he starts thinking over this morning's events.

What did Xabi mean with his silly question about the newbies? Sure it meant nothing, right? But why did he act so weirdly? Something was off. Fernando acted strangely ever since Sergio first entered his home and then Xabi seemed really uneasy when he came out of his hideout. Maybe he should've waited a little longer to find out what this was about?

Sergio doesn't notice his mug's already empty, he's thinking so hard when suddenly realization hits him.

No.

Impossible.

Fernando certainly wasn't cheating on him?

"No way!" Sergio jumps to his feet, making the mug drop to the floor and shatter into a thousand pieces, matching the feeling of his heart.

Why does he only notice now?

***

"Sese? I'm back." Fernando enters the house, hoping that Sergio is really still there. He's desperate to talk to him. It's his turn now to explain some things.

He finds him in the sitting room. Thank God.

Sergio switches off the TV when Fernando enters the room. A bittersweet smile forms on his lips when he sees Sergio in his clothes, followed by a lump in his throat.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Fernando slumps down next to Sergio on the sofa, facing him. When he wants to take his hands, however, the younger man cringes. Fernando swallows the lump.

"So, I guess it's my turn now to explain…"

Sergio doesn't say anything but he looks like he's ready to listen so Fernando goes on.

"I don't know what you're thinking what… what Xabi meant, Sese, but you must believe me that it's not like that. I mean, I like the younger… ahem… the new guys, but I didn't seduce-"

Sergio takes a deep breath. He has already enough of Fernando's beating around the bush.

"Nando, if you really accepted my apology and we want to make this relationship work, especially with the long-distance part of it, I need you to be completely honest with me. So just spill it."

Fernando's whole body tenses. He is so scared to tell Sergio the truth. But there is no use lying. He needs to get it off his chest anyway.

"Ok," he squeezes his eyes shut before telling the inevitable, "I slept with Xabi."

Fernando reluctantly opens one eye to check Sergio's reaction.

He's just gaping at him, not able to say a word. He expected a confession of infidelity, but Xabi??

"Sese? Say something. Please."

Sergio hesitates. "I can't. I… I'm-" _Disappointed? Hurt? Jealous as fuck?_ "Shocked."

And that's the truth. He expected anyone from the Liverpool team or just anyone from anywhere but Xabi? Their friend? How could Xabi do this to him?

"I promise it doesn't mean anything and I feel terrible for doing it. I-"

"How could he do this to me? He's my friend, he's supposed to-"

"Oh, no no no no, Sergio! Stop! You're in no position to blame Xabi in that way! It was my fault, ok? I was so upset after your call and he was there for me and it was _me_ who wanted it, ok? So leave him out of this."

"But, Fernando! Xabi? He's an old friend! He's…" Sergio stops himself at this point when he notices the parallels of how sleeping with Iker must have felt for Fernando. It must've felt no different for Fernando, he assumes. He figures they both must feel betrayed by the persons they slept with rather than the betrayal itself of each other.

After the first shock has settled Sergio calms down a bit. He can't be mad at Fernando. _His_ Fernando. They love each other, right? They both made a mistake. He first. He has no right to be mad at his boyfriend. He believes Fernando that his little incidence with Xabi doesn't mean anything and was out of pure disappointment about his confession.

Now that this is clarified, there's just one more burning issue to Sergio.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

Fernando sees a tear making its way down the flushed cheek of his opposite.

"No, no. I'm sorry. So sorry, I never said it. You're right. We just need to be honest. I… God, Sese, I love you so much. And that's the truth, no matter what."

Fernando slams his lips on Sergio's, trying to convey all the love he feels and to emphasize how sorry he is for their first major bump in their relationship.

And Sergio responds with equally strong affection. They lose themselves in each other's touches and kisses and just savor the pleasant feeling of the other's company. They want to make the most out of the little time they have left until they'll have to part again in a few hours.

Fernando is lying in Sergio's arm, eyes shut appreciatively, his fingers caressing the younger's tattooed arm.

"Nando?"

"Hmm?"

"I can't promise it's not going to happen again."

Fernando's eyes snap open. A new jolt of jelousy ripping through his body. He sits up. There he was, his question answered without having even asked.

"Sese... I wish I could say it's ok. You know it's not. But if that's what it takes to be with you... If this is what you need to bear the distance, I guess I can - I must live with it."

Fernando tries to muster a smile.

Sergio pulls him into a tight embrace, mumbling a silent _thank you_ and sincere  _I love you_ against his hair.    
  
  
  



	12. Unrequited Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of chapter 6

_2016, Milan_

 

"Sergio! Stop!"

Fernando jumps off the bed immediately, grabbing Sergio from behind to prevent him from punching Saúl's face.

Sergio actually stops, breathing heavily, trying to grasp the situation.

Fernando drags him a few steps away from Saúl before bending down to his teammate and checking if he's alright.

"Hey, are you ok?" he asks worriedly while helping him up. He makes him sit on the bed beside him again, stroking his arm gently.

Sergio watches from afar. What's going on here??

"Fer?" Sergio calls his boyfriend who turns around and gets up to come over. Sergio's voice is quiet when he speaks,

"Fer, I'm sorry, I thought he was-"

"He did nothing wrong, ok." Fernando whispers back, "And neither did I."

Sergio frowns, but slowly seems to understand.

"It's not what I meant to say."

"I know," Fernando sighs and lets himself be embraced by Sergio's strong, comforting arms.

The defender presses tender kisses to his forehead inbetween whispers of apology about the match result while receiving hushed words of congratulation and acknowledgement on the victory in return.

They only separate when they are reminded that they're not alone by the sound of the door being opened. 

They exchange some quick glances, no words needed to understand the other.

"Stay," Sergio says in a calm but convincing voice.

Saúl stops, turning around.

"Please," Fernando adds.

The midfielder gives them a confused look, deliberating their intention and his options. He reluctantly closes the door.

"Come here," Sergio requests while Fernando climbs on the bed, laying down on his back, head resting against the soft headboard and making himself comfortable.

Saúl's frozen to the spot when he gets an idea of what they might be up to.  
  
"Saúl." He hears his own name sounding like an impossible-to-reject invititation by Fernando.

He steps towards the bed unconsciously while still trying to get a hold of the situation.

Saúl's standing in front of the bed looking at his teammate longingly who shifts on the bed, making his t-shirt slide up purposely.

"Touch him."

He's startled by Sergio's sudden order.

"I can't," Saúl replies, unable to take his eyes of the man in front of him.

"Didn't look like that five minutes ago."

"No, I mean… He doesn't want me to."

Sergio steps behind the young midfielder to whisper in his ear, "Believe me, he does."

A shiver runs down his spine as Sergio's breath tickles the sensitive skin beneath his ear.

Saúl doesn't trust his perception. This is too much of a dream. He knows Fernando is taken. He knows he's with Sergio. The Sergio Ramos. He doesn't know him well enough to not find him intimidating in a way. He only knows him from matches and there he is the most ruthless defender he's ever encountered. Fernando rarely ever mentions him in their conversations. Probably because he's so used to hiding it from most people he interacts with. Saúl thinks it's a privilege that he knows at all. 

And now this man asks him to touch his boyfriend? He must be fucking with him. As tempting as the offer sounds, it would only make things worse. More complicated. More painful.

Sergio notices his hesitation so he reaches for Saúl's hand and guides it to the revealed strip of skin of Fernando's stomach.

Saúl closes his eyes as a reflex to the immediate strong reaction of his body to the touch. This is different than the touches earlier on that night. This time he's allowed to do so. He's even asked to do it. This is what he's been dreaming of for quite some time.

"Doesn't he feel good?" Sergio's voice rings in his ear while his hand is guided further under Fernando's t-shirt.

 _Too good_. That's the problem. This is…

Saúl nods.

Fernando pulls his t-shirt over his head and throws it to the floor carelessly, revealing the whole of his perfect, firm upper body. His slightly quickened breathing shows his savoring of the touch of the carefully guided tender fingers on his chest.  
  
"See? He wants you." Sergio's words send another shiver down his spine and directly into his dick.

 _But not in the way I want him_ , he thinks bitterly. He knows he should stop. He knows now's the time to escape. He knows it's wrong to be lusting after his teammate. His friend.

"Come on,"  Sergio murmurs while dragging his hand down to Fernando's lower stomach and guiding it under the waistband of his sweatpants. "I know you want to touch that body, kid."

 _Kid_. Exactly. That's what he is. A 21-year-old kid, crushing on his teenage idol. A grown man of 32 years. A taken man, not to forget. Fuck it. He's already in too deep anyway.

"Touch me!"

This time it's Fernando's voice making him snap out of his thoughts.

It doesn't exactly help that his fingers are taken over now by said man and put directly onto his crotch.

His whole body jerks at the sensation. He knows he's just crossed the point of no return. He's rock hard in his pants and he has no more strength to fight rationality telling him this will not only get him in trouble, but in even more pain. Still, right now he couldn't care less.

"See?" Sergio whispers smugly before pulling back and slapping his butt playfully.

He moves to sit in the comfy armchair opposite the bed from where he has a good view of the two men, and makes himself comfortable.  

Saúl doesn't get a second to think about what's going on as he's being pulled down by Fernando to lie on top of him and instinctly starts rubbing against the older man.

He figures it's alright if he just picks up at where they were interrupted when Sergio had entered the room, and starts stroking Fernando's cock slowly. He can't quite shut out the fact that the boyfriend of the man beneath him is sitting right beside them, watching the scene. But he can't deny that it somehow turns him on even more either.

All inhibitions are dismissed when Fernando pulls down his own pants to liberate his achingly hard cock.

"I want to feel you," he utters panting, pulling at the hem of Saúl's sweater for emphasis.

Saúl doesn't need to be told twice. He discards his unnecessary piece of clothing and goes down on Fernando, touching and kissing and licking and finally sucking that gorgeous specimen of a cock he's dreamt about so often.

Fernando moans and revels in the worship of the beautiful boy on him. He must admit he's imagined this more than once in the past months.

They lose themselves in each other, neither of them taking note of Sergio leaving the room quietly after he's finished jerking off.

"Saúl," Fernando tries to signalize that he's close.

The young man only takes it as an incentive to intensify his sucking once again and swallows eagerly the moment Fernando comes hotly in his mouth. 

Fernando drags him up to lie beside him. He strokes his hair affectionately in appreciation before reaching down to jerk Saúl off in return.

After Saúl has come, Fernando almost instantly falls asleep, an arm draped around him, barely hearing the whispered _I love you_ anymore.


	13. Oversleeping

_2016, Milan_

 

Antoine waits until the latest moment possible before he goes back to his original room. He's sent tons of texts and even tried calling Fernando a couple of times to ask whether it's safe to get back to their room. No response so far. It's ten to ten already and their bus for the airport is leaving in ten minutes so he decides to go back anyway because he needs to get his stuff.

He doesn't knock. He just enters. It's also his room after all.

He's greeted by a sleep-heavy, thick semidarkness.

Antoine notices his bed being untouched and stumbles over some clothes on the floor when he moves to stand beside the other one.

"Fernando?" he asks the bedsheet-covered heap and gets a grumble in response.

He smirks when he notices a second pair of feet looking out under the covers.

"Get up, lovebirds, we're gonna miss the bus!" Antoine announces loudly as he pulls the curtains open.

The heap grumbles again at the sudden flash of brightness.

The Frenchman approaches the bed to shake at the men's shoulders gently in another attempt to wake them up.

"Mon Dieu!" he exclaims when the heap finally moves and another one of his own teammates is revealed instead of a certain Blanco he had handed his keycard to last night.

"What the hell? Saúl?!"

"Antoine??"

"Fuck, what's goin- Oh shit," Fernando remarks when he finally finds the strength to open his eyes.

"Yeah… Shit," Antoine affirms.

"This is not what you think-" Fernando tries to explain.

"Sure," he says ironically, "Where's Ramos?"

He eyes them suspiciously.

"With his team, I guess," the striker answers him casually as if nothing was queer about the situation.

"Whatever," Antoine shrugs off the reply, "Guys, you really need to hurry. The bus is leaving in ten minutes."

"Oh, damn. I'll be down in five!" Fernando jumps out of bed and hurries into the bathroom without another look or comment.

Saúl hasn't said a word since Antoine has woken them. He really wants him to go away and hide forever under the blanket.

"Saúl?"

Oh, no. Please, no lecture from Griezmann. He's not ready for this.

"Don't," he mumbles, the blanket still pulled over his head to hide from his friend.

"You have no idea what kind of trouble you got yourself into."

Saúl finally throws the blanket back to reveal his head. "Not that it's any of your business, but Sergio approved, ok."

"Ramos?" Antoine cocks an eyebrow at him in surprise.

"Yeah." Saúl instantly blushes at the memory of the defender huddled against his back and guiding his hand to Fernando's body and…

"Then you're in even bigger shit than you can imagine, frérot." Antoine's voice brings him back to here and now mercilessly.

He instantly pulls the blanket over his head again as the relentless realization sends a painful sting right into his heart. He exhales deeply before popping his head out again.

"I know. Fuck, I know."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Scoring An Own Goal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry guys, that the update took so long. I've been on the road for a couple of days and somehow this pre-Christmas time is super busy. But I'm really planning on continuing this! Just bear with me.
> 
> Ok, you asked for some more saulnando, here you go.

_September 2016, Madrid_

 

Fernando doesn't want to talk to anyone right now. He just wants to get home as quickly as possible and be alone. Lock himself up and wait until this unbearable feeling of failure goes away.

And that's what he does.

He hides in his house, in his bed and pities himself and sulks like he preferably does when he has really fucked up. All by himself.

Why him? Why now? Why didn't he stand half a step further to the left? Why didn't he just hold his stupid head two centimetres lower? Maybe that fucking ball wouldn't have…. It was too late. That damn ball had gone into the wrong goal. At the wrong time. By the wrong player.

By him.

It had cost them the three points.

"Fernando, it's ok."  
"Things like that happen."  
"We still earned one point."

_No, we lost two points. **I** lost two points._

One day it had to happen. He knew it. It's one of the biggest fears probably all of them have.

Right now he can't find comfort in any of his teammates' earlier votes of condolence.

The last time he's gone hiding in his fluffy, white fortress was after the defeat in the UCL final.

Sergio is on an away match with Real, and Fernando is thankful that he has the house to himself. His boyfriend will probably try to reach him as soon as he finds out.

He switches off his phone anyway, ignoring all the notifications and texts, and after a while drifts off into a light slumber.

He's in a state where he's dreaming very lively and can hardly distuingish between what's real and what's his mind mocking him, when he's woken up by an insistent ring of the doorbell.

Confused about what's going on, still haunted by the unsettling dream he's just had, he staggers to the door and looks at the small screen showing the visitor.

Saúl?!

Fernando feels a little twitch in his stomach. He isn't sure whether he's ready to face him yet.

  
They've never talked about the night of the UCL final in Milan. It had been the last game of the season and after that they had hardly seen each other over the summer. Since they had picked up training with Atletico again, Fernando couldn't help but feel a little bad and guilty. Not in terms of Sergio. But Saúl.

He never wanted to fuck up their friendship, still he feels like this was exactly what's happened and yet it's the young Spaniard who's standing right outside his door when he's in need of a friend.

"Hola," Saúl greets shyly when the door is finally being opened.

"Come in," Fernando replies, eyeing the box of pizza in his hands suspiciously.

Saúl enters without looking at him and stands in the hall rather helplessly.

Fernando rubs his hands over his face, feeling insecure in his own home suddenly but decides to pull himself together for once.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"That would be great. Thanks," Saúl nods and follows the older man into the kitchen.

Fernando pours them two glasses of water.

"I know, you don't wanna talk about it…" Saúl tries to start a conversation.

"Then don't."

 

"I brought you pizza. Your favourite," Saúl smiles brightly and opens the cardboard box, revealing a greasy, tasty smell.

"Thank you, but I'm already feeling miserable enough. I'm not looking to make it worse by cheating on my diet plan," Fernando frowns at him.

Ok. Saúl had expected him to be grumpy but he didn't think it would be that bad. But then again, Sergio wouldn't have asked him to…

"Come on. We can do an extra work out afterwards if you like," Saúl reasons.

Fernando looks at him in surprise.

Saúl blushes instantly when he realizes the ambiguity of his words with the background of their last encounter. "That's not what I meant!"

"Wait," Fernando looks at him thoroughly, "How do you even know what's my favourite pizza?"

The younger man starts shifting on his chair nervously. "I…"

"Did Sergio send you?"

It wasn't really a question. He should have known it. Not that Saúl wouldn't have come voluntarily but since they hadn't really talked recently…

Fernando, however, had talked to Sergio about it. Of course he wanted to know how the night went after he had gone. _Good. Great._ Fernando had said, obviously withholding the I-love-you-part. Which, to be honest, was the reason why Fernando was struggling with going back to normal with Saúl. There is always Griezmann's voice ringing in his head. _Just don't play with the kid._

He knows Sergio is worried about him and only means well by asking Saúl to go check on him. They're friends after all.

"It's alright. I'm glad you're here."

And Fernando means it. He wants to make it up to him. It was wrong to avoid Saúl. The kid hadn't done anything wrong and Fernando has probably made him feel terrible for months and he really didn't mean to. His friend didn't deserve to be treated like that.

Saúl gives him a heartwarming smile.

"Well, I guess I could have a piece of pizza, you're right. Please feel free to help yourself, too." And for the first time tonight, Fernando also manages a smile.

"I was really hoping you'd say this," his teammate says grinning now, grabbing a piece of tomato and mozzarella pizza eagerly.

Fernando does the same.

  
"I'm so sorry," he says inbetween two bites, "About the own goal."

Saúl looks up at him questioningly.

"And about…" Fernando feels like he should really address the issue of their strained friendship.

"Hey!", Saúl interrupts him, "I thought, you didn't wanna talk about it?"

Fernando drops it then. Sensing that Saúl feels uncomfortable about it.

"Thank you," he says seriously, making eye contact.

"For what?" Saùl blinks nervously.

"For being there for me. You're a great friend."

The younger man shifts on his chair, his cheeks turning an adorable pink.

"And you are an awesome man, really."

Ok, Fernando can't leave it.

"Fernando…" Saúl has to break the eye contact.

Suddenly there is this tension between them again, although he really didn't come here with any such intentions. He feels the heat rising inside him. His heart beating faster. Damn, he's still so lost. The summer break wasn't long enough.

No time would ever be long enough.

  
"And you deserve only the best. Honestly, I wish for all the best things to happen to you. In any respects."


	15. The Coach Hates You

_September 2016, Madrid_

 

Saúl gulps.

"You should really call Sergio. He worries about you."

Fernando snaps out of his dreamy gaze. What was he doing here?

"You're right. Maybe I should."

Fernando fetches his phone from the bedroom. When he returns Saúl is standing in the hall, about to leave.

"Wait! Where are you going?" Fernando sounds genuinely surprised.

"Ehm…"

"You promised me an extra workout for eating pizza!" Fernando tries to convince him to stay.

"I thought it was a joke. More or less?!" Saúl shrugs.

"Ok. No workout. Promised. But please stay!"

Fernando looks at him with pleading eyes.

Saúl deliberates what to do. He should really leave. His job was done. Now keep a safe distance. But on the other hand he really missed spending time with his friend.

No, he knows it would only be going to hurt more. And he's happy enough with Fernando feeling better again. He has no chance with him anyway. So what would be the point?

"I'm sorry, I really gotta go. I've got an appointment," Saúl lies and Fernando knows it.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

  
***

  
"Hey amor, I'm so glad you finally call back. How are you feeling?" Sergio's warm voice makes Fernando feel a little guilty for shutting him out.

"I'm ok. Sorry for switching off the phone but… you know how I'm ticking."

"I just wanted to make sure you're alright."

"I noticed that," Fernando says with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"What? Didn't the kid make you feel better?" Sergio's smirk was audible through the phone.

"Oh, the _kid_ did." Fernando is getting annoyed by Sergio not calling his friend by his real name.

"Good. I told him to do whatever would be necessary to cheer you up."

"Yeah, the pizza did a good job."

"Only the pizza?"

"No, we also had a good fuck."

"Perfect."

"Of course not! What are you even thinking? That I would just cheat on you like that?!"

"I wouldn't consider it cheating with the kid."

"I can't believe what you're saying. Wasn't the one time enough?" Fernando is really angry by now.

"What? I thought it was good?"

"And that's right. But leave it now, ok. That was it. It's not gonna happen again."

"Woah, calm down! I get it."

"Fine. And by the way his name is Saúl. Not kid."

"Ok, honey. Call me again when you've had a proper sleep and calmed down. I was only worrying about you. Didn't know the subject would make you so touchy. Go to sleep, amor, ok? I love you. Bye."

And with that Sergio hangs up and Fernando is left with very mixed feelings. Why is he so piqued at Sergio?

He remembers his dream from earlier on. Fuck, why does this all make him feel so uneasy?

  
***

The next morning Fernando feels absolutely whacked. He rarely slept. And when he did he dreamt those confusing things again.

He completes his usual morning routine before heading to training. Fernando has no idea how he's supposed to survive the day, he's still so fucking tired by the time he arrives there.

  
"Fernando, come on! Faster!" His coach yells at him.

Fernando can't. His legs just won't move any faster. His whole body protests. He swears under his breath.

"Ok, two extra rounds for you!"

Oh no, please. He's already exhausted.

When he's done with his extra rounds and they've all done some more warm up exercises they play a training match.

It's no surprise Fernando fails miserably. His thoughts are spinning around everything but football. Well, not everything, but his somehow strained relationship with Sergio and his _relationship_  with Saúl. Why does he get so sensitive and protective about the young Spaniard? He should really pull himself together now and be professional. But he can't with Saúl being on the opponent team and constantly messing with him with his incredible dribbling, and his mischievous smile, and his pretty butt wiggling right in front of his eyes.

Fernando swears way too loud at another admonishing remark by Simeone about his poor performance today.

"Fernando, a word, please! Now," His coach orders seriously when the match is finally over. At least he had mercy on them.

"I don't know what's wrong with you today. You seem distracted. If you're sick then stay at home and don't ruin your teammates' and my training session. But I can't and won't accept you insulting me with your swearing."

"I..." Fernando tries to start justifying himself.

The coach silences him with a gesture of his hand. "I may have been willing to ignore it once. But the second time was too much. Pull yourself together. I won't accept this behaviour. It's very much unlike you, Fernando. I dismiss you for today. Go home, sleep, do whatever it needs to clear your mind."

And with that Simeone turns around and continues the training session with the rest of the team.

Fernando's left shocked. And even more angry now than before. How dare he speak to him like this?

A warm, comforting hand squeezes his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry. That's really not fair. He's pissed with himself today and you were just the straw to break the camel's back. It's not your fault! Please don't blame yourself. Just... Go home. I can come over as soon as training's finished, ok?"

Just the voice of Saúl and his touch make him calmer instantly. At the same time it makes his heart beat faster. What's wrong with him?

"That's really not necessary," Fernando replies more harshly than he means to. "I'm sorry. I mean… I'd appreciate you coming over."

 

  
God, why is he so fucking nervous? It's just Saúl. They're friends. It's the most normal thing in the world to be visited by a friend. Especially if you feel bad and the friend comes over to cheer you up. Nothing wrong with that. That's what friends are for.

Fernando jumps when he hears the doorbell.

"Hey. Come in."

"Are you ok? I've never experienced Diego sending someone home early for nothing before. What's wrong with this guy?" Saúl states while entering the hall and following Fernando in the sitting room.

"I have no idea. Ok, well maybe I have. But never mind."

They're sitting on the sofa side by side with a 30 centimetre safety gap.

"Fer," Saúl says softly while shifting a little closer and nudging the striker's arm, "what did you say that pissed him off so much?"

"It's not important." Fernando looks at Saúl.

"Obviously it was. But whatever. You don't seem like yourself lately." He locks eyes with Fernando. "We are ok, aren't we?"

"Of course." Fernando turns his head, blushing.

"Hey," the young midfielder cups his friend's face, "look at me. If there's anything I can do for you…"

Fernando can feel his cheeks burn under the tender touch, losing himself in the other's diamond grey eyes.

"I'm not sure…" He breathes lowly.

"I mean _anything_ ," Saúl makes the offer clear by slowly placing a hand on the older man's crotch.

Fernando is already half hard. "Well, then I guess you could do _something_ for me."

He lays back. He doesn't know what got him to approve of this. But he doesn't care anymore. He's in the mood for it. How is he supposed to resist such a beautiful man anyway? Saúl is there for him when Sergio isn't. He knows it's not his boyfriend's fault. Well, in some way it is because he had sent Saúl over in the first place. And he literally allowed Fernando to…

God, every single touch makes him shiver while they're both working on their expendable clothes.

That's when a voice from the hall startles them.

"Amor, I'm back. Are you home?"


	16. Accidentally Injuring a Teammate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, folks.
> 
> I want to dedicate this chapter to @furiousflamewolf, @londonbird and @Blk.  
> Thank you for your support!
> 
> Merry Christmas, everyone! 
> 
> P.s. I apologize for the ending in advance. I had to incorporate it somehow.

_September 2016, Madrid_

 

"Am I interrupting something?" Sergio's voice cuts through the air. But not in an accusing way, judging the situation just right.

Saúl jumps to his feet, gathering his clothes, slightly panicking.

"Relax, kid. You're grand," Sergio chuckles while exchanging some quick glances with Fernando.

"Hey, love. Welcome back," Fernando greets his boyfriend who leans down over the sofa back for a kiss.

Saúl stands beside them, flushed red.

"So, looks like I arrived just in time for the party?" Sergio states teasingly.

"What are we celebrating?" Fernando asks, a sheepish grin on his face.

"Come on! You didn't even check the result? I scored the winning goal," Sergio pretends to pout but the pride in his voice is unmistakable.

"Oh, I'm very sorry, I was kind of… distracted," Fernando retorts, his gaze landing on Saúl hungrily.

Saúl has no idea what's going on. Well, to be honest, he has. He just feels very out of place.

Sergio takes a quick look at Saúl before bending down to Fernando again, meeting his lips and tongue in a passionate kiss. Fernando knows exactly what Sergio is trying to achieve with this. And so he puts an extra effort in it, too.

The young spaniard can just stand there and watch, unable to take his eyes off them. And he doesn't know whether to feel jealous or extra aroused at the intimacy they're sharing. Probably both.

Sergio ends the kiss to whisper something in his lover's ear. Then he winks at Saúl and disappears.

"I think it's time for me to leave," Saúl says a bit hesitantly, still holding his t-shirt and jeans in his arms.

"I don't think so," Fernando responds softly, tugging at his hand and making the clothes fall to the floor again while Saúl is dragged on top of the other man.

A quiet moan escapes both their mouths at the sudden sensation of their crotches rubbing together.

"Fer, I should really-"

"Shh," Fernando silences him by putting a finger to his lips, "Didn't you say you would do anything for me?"

Saúl's heart is pounding like mad, his eyes locked with Fernando's. They're so close, he can feel their breaths mixing. And Saúl really wants to kiss those lips in front of him and find out if they taste like they do in his imagination but that's a boundary he doesn't dare cross.  

"I would," Saúl confirms, excitement rising in his guts.

Fernando strokes his cheek and hair gently before posing his question, "Mind if Sergio joined us?"

"Fer...," Saúl is minimally outraged and surprised by the offer, "I thought this was going to be a simple blow job."

"Nothing you do will ever be just simple. You're amazing and I've been dreaming about this for… way too long, but I don't want to push you. It's totally fine if you don't want it."

Saúl is reluctant to say anything.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I hope that's self-evident? And if you don't want him to touch you, he won't."

Fernando can see his friend deliberating.

"Or don't you find Sergio attractive?"

"Gosh, no that's not it," Saúl says quickly.

It's more like he's still intimidated by the defender's presence and charisma. Not to forget that he is his crush's boyfriend. And he feels like intruding.

Fernando's hands have wandered down Saúl's back, resting on his butt, drawing him closer just a bit more.

Saúl's head is spinning from the prospects of how his evening could turn out if he just gave in, stopped thinking so damn much and managed to convey his consent. He climbs down from Fernando and stands in front of the sofa, rubbing his hands over his face in contemplation.

"It would be a shame to leave you go like this." Sergio suddenly reappears, nodding at Saúl's undeniable errection in his boxer briefs.

"Why don't you let us convince you it's worth staying?"

Saúl looks at Sergio who has also lost his clothes except for his briefs. He knew he was hot. But now that he's standing in front of him, checking him out unashamedly, he can't deny his body's desire for the two men in front of him. It's almost overwhelming.

Sergio walks over to Saúl to stand behind him.

"Am I ok to touch you, _Saúl_?"

A shiver runs down the midfielder's spine at the way his name is rolling of Sergio's tongue who makes sure Fernando hears him adressing his friend by his correct name.

"I guess so, yeah," he consents.

"Good, I wouldn't mind you touching me either," Sergio makes clear and nestles on his back, letting his hands roam over Saúl's well defined chest while pressing his crotch to his butt.

"Look at him!"

Saúl's skin is burning under the defender's touch, his eyes glued to Fernando enjoying the little show. He feels like coming right here, right now, the thought of them all together already too much.

He can't suppress a moan when Sergio's hands strip down his boxer briefs and wrap around his dick, starting to stroke him skilfully.

In the meantime Fernando also got rid of his last piece of clothing, revealing his hard cock of which he starts taking care slowly. His eyes are never leaving Saúl revelling in his boyfriend's touch.

Saúl is breathing heavily by now.

"Can you see how much he admires you, beautiful?" Sergio murmurs, hot breath tickling his ear.

That's enough to send him over the edge straight away. His eyes are closing as he comes in Sergio's hand, a few drops of cum landing on the man in front of him.

His knees threaten to give out when Fernando takes a few drops on his finger, bringing it to his mouth and tasting him appreciatively.

"I got you," Sergio says, guiding him to sit down on the sofa.

Saúl is still panting lightly as he's seated between the two other men.

Sergio leans over him to kiss Fernando, then whispers against his lips, "I think we convinced him, amor."

Fernando smiles contentedly.

"Why don't we take this somewhere more comfortable?" Sergio suggests while getting up and reaching out both his hands.

Saúl shoots Fernando a questioning look.

"Sure." Fernando gets up, too, taking Sergio's hand and dragging Saúl up with him.

Saúl is still in a haze, trying to grasp what's actually going on when he realizes they're in front of the bedroom. _Their_ bedroom.

Just as he's thinking that this would really be one step too far into their privacy, Fernando says it,

"Sergio, let's go in here, ok?"

He opens the door to the guestroom.

"Whatever you wish, amor."

Fernando guides Saúl to lay on the big, neatly made bed beside him, taking him in one arm and stroking his bare chest gently. His fingers start playing with his nipples casually and Saúl enjoys the affection and the short rest.

Sergio fetches the lube and a box of tissues from their room. When he returns he pulls the curtains shut and puts on some background music, creating a pleasant air.

"You're wearing too many clothes, Sese."

"So? What you gonna do about it?" Sergio approaches the bed, his lips finding Fernando's again. While they're kissing, Fernando's free hand slides down Sergio's abs and finds its way inside the waistband of his lover's underpants which he manages to pull down. Sergio steps out of them and climbs on the bed as well. 

Saúl is turned on already again, even more now by watching the couple make out. He pushes away the slight feeling of jealousy and decides to make the most out of the situation. He untangles himself from Fernando's embrace and shifts to kneel beside his teammate's groin where he does what he had intended to when they first started this this afternoon. Fernando's dick is already waiting for him impatiently and he's more than willing to give him everything he wants. Fernando's hips jerk when Saúl's tongue licks along his shaft and his wet lips finally close around him and he starts sucking.

Sergio separates from Fernando to join Saúl one floor below. Saúl winces when he feels a pair of hands touching his back, caressing him, slowly traveling down to stroke his butt and knead the flesh there lightly, teasing him.

Sergio is behind him now, leaning down to murmur into his ear,

"You taste good."

That's when he's reminded that he's in bed with Sergio fucking Ramos. And said Ramos just exchanged his sperm with Fernando legend Torres. Saúl's whole body is shivering at the excitement. He wants more. He wants everything. Everything you could possibly do when there's three hot men piled in one bed.

Sergio's hand finds its way in Saúl's hair, tugging at it lightly to make him let go of Fernando's dick.

"Tell me, beautiful, what would you like Fernando to do to you? You've done such a good job pleasing my man, I'm sure he's willing to give you something in return."

Sergio's voice is hoarse, loaded with sex, just like the whole atmosphere. The dim lighting and the music contributing their parts.

Saúl is rubbing against Fernando's leg unconsciously  when without hesitation he says, "Fuck me."

"Say it again. What do you want, Saúl?"

"I want him to fuck me." His voice almost breaks when Sergio's warm hand slides between his buttocks, sending a new wave of arousal through his body.

Fernando shifts and leans forward to whisper to Sergio, "Prepare him for me, will you, love?"

Sergio just answers with a smirk and a wink before turning to Saúl again who lays down on his stomach, legs spread, his throbbing dick trapped between himself and the mattress. Fernando snuggles up against his boyfriend from behind, planting kisses all over his tattooed back up to the tattoo behind his ear, which has always had the power to drive him crazy. He travels further, sucking at the most sensitive spot on Sergio's neck which draws a deep moan from his lover's mouth.

Sergio has his fingers covered in lube, teasing at Saúl's entrance before finally pushing in his index carefully. Saúl closes his eyes, trying to relax but apart from his own fingers and some sex toy nothing's ever found it's way up there and the excitement of the prospect of finally getting what - who - he's been dreaming of for months, for years to be honest, almost makes him faint.

"God, that's pure virginity. I can feel it," Sergio groans, mainly directed at Fernando.

Fernando closes his right hand around Sergio's cock, starting to jerk him off while using his other hand to work at his own entrance. He steadys himself by resting his head against Sergio's shoulder, kissing, sucking, and biting down to stifle his moans as his fingers scissor himself open.

All three men are panting heavily by now, hard cocks and wanton holes screaming for attention. Saúl groans when Sergio has worked three fingers into him, deciding he's ready for Fernando now.

"Turn around, pretty boy. We want to see your face," Sergio orders, leaving a peck beneath Saúl's ear before making room for Fernando.

"He's all yours, amor."

"And I'm all yours." Fernando kisses Sergio briefly but intensely, then leans over Saúl who is lying on his back now, knees bent, exposing his hole in invitation.

Fernando is marvelling at the beautiful sight beneath him for a split moment. His eyes find Saúl's who have turned a dark grey, showing nothing but want and Fernando is ready to give it to him.

Sergio hands him a condom.

"Don't," Saúl shakes his head at Fernando, "I know we're all clean."

"I'd rather you use it," Sergio protests.

"He's right, Sese," Fernando decides and throws the condom aside, "I trust you, Saúl."

Saúl's heart is swelling with love, he feels like crying at the pure emotions of it all.

Sergio's heart, however, is breaking just a little, but he knows there's no use fighting over it so he swallows his feelings of tenure and gives in.

Fernando grabs the lube and spreads a generous amount of it on his dick. Saúl holds his breath when he finally feels Fernando poking at his entrance. His forehead is covered in sweat before even having moved for a second.

Saúl relaxes when he recognizes Fernando going really slow and gentle on him. He can feel that his friend is taking this seriously and is not just up for quick fun without regards. They both stifle a moan when Fernando's fully inside of him, waiting for him to adjust to his size.

Sergio could just sit there and jerk off to watching them. His drop dead gorgeous boyfriend fucking his equally beautiful young teammate is the hottest sight he has seen within years.

Fernando starts thrusting, his muscles flexing with every move. He throws his head back and lets out a deep groan at the sensation. That's Sergio's sign to join them. He can't resist a second longer.

Saúl jerks his hips to the rhythm of the thrusts, trying  to allow Fernando in even deeper. He bites down on his bottom lip to suppress the inevitable moans that are spilling from his mouth when Fernando hits his sweet spot over and over again.

Saúl can't remember when, if ever, he's felt so aroused and hot and he's sweating heavier than after any training session or matches he's played.

He feels himself being pressed deeper into the mattress when he notices Sergio lining up behind Fernando.

Fernando stills for a moment to allow Sergio to enter him effortlessly, both of them groaning in pleasure. Sergio is the first to start moving. He really tries to take it slow but fails almost immediately. His pace quickens immediately and Fernando joins him instantly. Erratic pants are filling the sex-soaked air while all of them are revelling in the ecstasy of this extraordinary experience.

Sergio distracts himself with sucking at a cluster of freckles on his lover's shoulder blade. Fernando is struggling to hold back much longer. Goosebumps are appearing on his skin when he feels his orgasm building up deep inside. Saúl is mesmerized by the sight of the two hottest men he's ever seen above him, the pure sex they're radiating, the noises of sweat-covered skin hitting skin in a more and more less melodic rhythm, and the sheer sensation of it all.

It's Fernando's cry when he comes hard and hot inside Saúl that sends the young man over the edge, too, his cum getting smeared between his and Fernando's stomach, making them stick together.

Fernando manages to prop up his left arm on the headboard to prevent himself from collapsing onto Saúl and crushing him. He's breathing briskly.

That's when Saúl sees it. Just like that. _Sergio_. On the inside of his upper arm, hidden among the plenty other ink. His heart cringes at the realization of the meaning. Of all of this. Tears start pricking in his eyes as the overwhelming experience and the inevitable truth hit him mercilessly. He can't help himself. He's such a fool.

His train of thoughts gets interrupted by Sergio following them suit with a cry half the neighbourhood must have heard when he comes inside his boyfriend.  

Sergio collapses immediately, causing Fernando's arm to slip of the headboard so he plummets onto Saúl heavily.

Then there's a bonecracking noise and all of them flinch and scream at the sound, most of all Saúl.

"Shit, are you alright?" Fernando inquires, sliding out of Saúl carefully and hurrying to get down from him.

"I think there might be a vertebra popped out," Saúl reports.

"Looks like we just broke the slatted frame," Sergio remarks, withdrawing from Fernando.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! What are we gonna do now?" the striker asks, clearly worrying about his friend and the unpleasant ending to their very pleasant threesome.

"I'm gonna have it checked tomorrow. It's alright. Don't worry. But maybe if I could just…"

"Of course you can stay! I think the other side of the bed should be alright. It's nearly untouched. So you might want to move over a bit." Fernando suggests.

"I'm sorry, Saúl. It was my fault," Sergio apologizes with a gentle squeeze of his shoulder.

"You're grand. I'll have it checked by the doc tomorrow."

"Ok. I'll leave you guys alone. If you need anything, I'm next door," Sergio states calmly and presses a kiss to Fernando's temple before exiting the room.

"I'm gonna take care of you. We made quite a mess," Fernando says smiling at him, "We better clean it of, shan't we?"

Saúl's heart feels instantly lighter at this smile which was just for him.

He's made quite a mess indeed. In several respects.


	17. Getting Sidelined

_September 2016, Madrid_

  
"Ok, what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," Sergio replies leaning in the door frame of their bedroom.

"Then why are you acting so weird?"

"I don't know what you mean."

Fernando is about to lose his temper.

"Sese, honestly. You act like I did something wrong but I can't seem to remember anything in particular that could have pissed you off. So please be so kind and talk to me like a reasonable adult."

Sometimes Sergio hates that Fernando can read him so easily. He doesn't act like a creep on purpose. He really doesn't mean to. But he has noticed something that he's unable to erase from his mind.

"Ok. You're right. Can we talk?"

"Of course. Please, just go ahead and tell me!"

Sergio almost wants to cringe at the look of Fernando's big, innocent, hazel eyes that are directed at him expectantly.

Fernando stops packing his suitcase and makes some space on the bed where he sits them down, taking Sergio's hands.

"You and Saúl," Sergio begins, unsure how to address the matter, "How long have you been... this close?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know..." Sergio shrugs.

So that's what this is about.

"Sese, are you jealous of him? Really?" Fernando responds chuckling.

Sergio can't help his cheeks turning pink.

"I know I was the one to initiate your first _romp._ Because I knew how hot you find him. So I thought it would be a nice idea to spice up our relationship a bit."

Fernando's face turns serious. So Sergio thought their relationship needed more spice? He'd thought they'd had gotten over this point where they (mostly Sergio) would turn to other partners for matters of sexual relief. It was ok while they were in a long distance relationship. But now?

Sergio has noticed how Fernando's expression dropped so he resumes talking.

"No, no. Don't get me wrong. That's not what I meant. God, this is so hard."

He really has a talent to choose the wrong words. He runs a hand over his face, creating time to pick his next words right.

"I know you love me. And you know I love you. But you also know I had some difficulties with being alone while you were in England and Milan. We talked about it. You accepted it. But I still sometimes feel like… I need to make up for it. Like you deserved so much better."

"Better than what?"

Sergio is looking at Fernando with such sad and rueful eyes, the blond wants to cry.

"Better than me."

"Sese, stop talking bullshit. Yes, we're not perfect. But as you said, we love each other and that's the most important thing, isn't it?"

Fernando strokes Sergio's cheek and the defender leans into the touch, taking a deep breath.

"I know. It's just... I'm not the only one."

"What…?"

Fernando feels a sting in his stomach as he gets an idea what his boyfriend is talking about.

"Saúl. He loves you, too. I mean like for real. Not just a crush," Sergio exhales.

"Shit."

This and Fernando's face is enough of an answer for Sergio.

"You know it?"

Fernando hesitates to respond. Mainly because he doesn't want to admit it to himself. Doesn't want it to be true. Speaking it out loud makes everything they did, seem like a mistake. He nods.

"I think he hurts," Sergio states after a little pause.

He wipes away a stray tear on Fernando's cheek who didn't even notice it rolling down there. Yes, Saúl certainly hurts. And Fernando hates being the reason for it.

"How do you know? I mean that he loves me?"

Saying the words out loud feels strange. And wrong.

"It was impossible not to notice. A blind man would have seen it. It's the way he looks at you. The way he acts around you. How he acts _for_ you."

"Then why did you… did we even go so far? It's wrong, Sese! He doesn't deserve to be hurt like that."

"I know. I only realized it afterwards. After the 'injury', you know. I think I didn't want to see it. Just like you, right?"

"Sese…"

"The poor kid is trying so hard to hide it but in certain situations he just fails miserably. God, it's alarming how much I find of myself in him. What I'm trying to say is that maybe you should put some distance between you and him."

Fernando gulps.

"I'm not sure this is possible. I kind of fucked up after the first time. We only resumed talking a few days ago and I need him. As a friend. Damn, I missed him! The radio silence was fucking hard."

"I know. It's just… We need to stop hurting him."

"I have no intention to keep on doing so but I don't think I can change anything. Apart from stopping to sleep with him of course. It won't happen again."

"Promised?" Sergio tilts his head questioningly.

"Promised. And now stop looking at me like a hurt puppy. Or a jealous puppy. You have no reason to be jealous, ok? I love you. Only you," Fernando says, his heart contracting the moment the words are leaving his mouth. He claims his lover's lips, kissing him deeply to convince Sergio and mainly himself of the truth of them.

***

Fernando and the team have arrived safely in Eindhoven for their UCL match.

Saúl didn't travel with them as he needs to recover from his sudden back injury. So at least Fernando doesn't have to worry about keeping his distance for the next few days. Still he can't manage to take his mind off the young midfielder. On the flight he had too much time to think about him. And about his relationship. And something about their constellation seems to stir him all the time. He can't quite put his finger on what exactly. But it makes him restless, uneasy, unconcentrated.

It's not really a surprise when Simeone, once again, yells at him in the final training session to finally get his shit together and focus on his job.

 

 

"I might sub you in," Simeone let's Fernando know with a punitive look when he announces today's starting line-up.

Fernando bites his tongue to prevent himself from cursing and kicks a bottle that's lying around instead.

"Sorry," he says immediately and picks it up under his coach's accusing eyes.

He really needs to sort his shit out.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> So this might seem like a filler chapter to you but I needed to make some amendments. Originally I was planning to continue another strand of the story but since you seem to like the 2016 Saúl-Fernando-Sergio constellation best, I decided to kind of abandon the original idea and follow the new strand until the present/future. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think about that. :)
> 
> And thanks a lot to everyone who's still reading this!


	18. Being Alone

_November 2017_

 

Could it get any worse? Fernando feels like suffocating. He can't take it anymore. Every time he thinks he's gotten over Saúl, the boy does something that gives him a hard time forgetting about what they had. Still have. Somehow. He's sure. The little touches, the mischevious glances, the secret smiles, the affection, the chemistry...

It's been eight months since Saúl has made his relationship with Aurelia public. When he announced his engagement today something inside Fernando broke.

He can't explain, but it fucking hurts. It's none of his business. So why does it bother him at all? He has Sergio and he should be happy for his friend.

Well, he's not. He knows it's all a big lie and he'd like to say that he feels sorry for the poor girl but he's sure she receives a pretty nice amount of money for the charade. Honestly, is it really worth it? He's just turned 23! He still has his whole life to live. He shouldn't get married to some random girl for PR, only to hide who he really is.

Fernando knows how high the pressure is. He's thought about getting a beard himself a couple of times. Why didn't a good looking, well-paid superstar like him have a girlfriend or wife and family at his age? The press has been bothering him for years. He wouldn't believe his own lies he's been telling them to be honest. Just the usual stuff. But he got away with it somehow.

He's always told them he's too busy with his job, wants to concentrate on his career, and maybe he just has a difficult character?

Sometimes he wishes he had just gotten himself a PR girlfriend, too. Like Sergio used to do.

Sergio.

He loves him but they hardly see each other with both of them playing all the competitions possible. And when they do, Fernando keeps his distance. He doesn't even know if unconsciously or purposefully. But he knows Sergio has noticed. He's mentioned it.

Now that he's shocked by the news and doesn't want to face Saúl he's fled to his hotel room. He's sitting on the bed. Alone. Trying to pass the time until dinner. He doesn't want to have any anyway. He isn't hungry at all.

If only Sergio was there. He always knew how to calm him down when he was distressed. He would wrap his loving arms around him and whisper words of comfort and understanding in his ear. Then he would press his soft lips against his temple and reassure him that everything's gonna be alright.

This time, however, Fernando isn't sure whether Sergio would want to comfort him. If he would even understand him. It's complicated.

The pressure in his chest makes him curl his arms around himself. And before he knows it he has fallen asleep under his quiet sobs.

 

***

 

Sergio kicks off his shoes and lets himself fall onto the sofa after an exhausting day in Valdebebas. First he had a tough training where nearly everything went wrong for him, then a meeting with a personal sponsor, and a gym session before he could finally go home. There is only one good thing about being busy all day. It distracts him from his inner demons hunting him.

Now that he's stretched out on the couch and lets his gaze roam through the sitting room, the memories of how it all started are coming back. He sees himself touching and caressing a certain teammate of his boyfriend and the once so appealing thought now only makes him want to travel back in time and do everything differently. It's not like he didn't enjoy it back then. But he feels something in his relationship has changed. It has never been a normal, easy relationship, if such a thing existed anywhere at all.

The house is quite chilly at this time of the year and he wishes Fernando would be here. He would pour them a nice, warm bath or just make them jump under the shower together. Afterwards they would hide under the crisp, white bedsheets until the stars come out or settle on the rug in front of the cozy heat of the fireplace.

His heart clenches at the thought. Because even if Fernando was here, he'd probably just go shower by himself and tell him that he's busy with something. Anything that doesn't involve Sergio. It took him a few months to notice because to be fair, most of the time he _is_ truly busy. But usually he would always make at least some time for them to be spent together. Whenever Sergio addressed his observation Fernando would tell him that he's sorry and he need not worry. Everything would be alright.

Yes, there have still been the check up messages after games, the good morning and the good night texts. They still include the I love yous and I miss yous. But Sergio can't help the strange feelings in his guts and he knows that they don't lie. He can always rely on his gut instinct.

All of a sudden Sergio feels terribly alone.

Why does his brother and his mum and everyone else he would usually turn to with his problems have to be so far away?  Everyone else... The only other person besides Fernando he could always come to has also gone to live outside spontaneous reach.

He could still give him a call, couldn't he?

Sergio shifts to sit upright on the sofa. With a sigh he fishes for his phone. When he unlocks the screen he frowns at the usual amount of notifications which he tends to ignore and just swipe away. One, however, made him stop.

Iker.  
  
As if he'd known.

 _I'm in the city for some business. Wanna join me for dinner?_  



	19. Car Broke Down In A Dark Forest

_November 2017_

  
Fernando jumps into his car. He has places to go. Heading south for a couple of minutes he gets annoyed by the radio programme. They're all playing the same lame shit. Fumbling in his pocket for his phone he realizes that he must have forgotten it. Great. So no music at all. When he drives onto the motorway he remembers there might be some CDs in the glove compartment. He rummages around with his right hand while the left is trying to concentrate on stiring the car.

Fernando must have slowed down severely as he gets startled by a horn blowing lorry that's overtaking him. His heart drops to his stomach and he swerves to the right, miraculously not hitting the crash barrier.

As he drives on the traffic is getting heavier. He doesn't think much of it when he notices a white car lying upside down in the ditch.

A few kilometres further there's a black car in the ditch. There are so many other cars on the street, sure he isn't the only one who has noticed and help is being called, right?

He switches on the radio again, tuning in on the traffic report. Nothing. According to that everything's perfectly quiet on the roads.

Fernando drives and drives until he can't even remember where he was actually going.

The sun starts setting and before he knows it's gotten dark. The other cars have disappeared and he's pretty much alone on the street.

Suddenly he comes to a fork. It's not like a normal cross on a motorway. He has two options. He's been driving for hours and his eyes are getting tired and his vision blury. The sign to right says Seville. The sign to the left says Elche.

"What…?"

This makes no sense. Both cities are nowhere near where he was supposed to go. Where was that again? What was he going to do there?

The fork is coming nearer and Fernando hasn't decided which way to take yet. He slams his foot on the break but the car shows no reaction at all. He's racing towards the fork and before he can stir the car into one direction he crashes into the barrier in between the two streets and breaks through it.

When he comes to he finds himself driving on a narrow road through a dark forest. His car has become a convertible but that doesn't seem to worry him.

It takes Fernando a while to realize but he's been driving this road before. He just can't remember when and where he was going.

The stars are the only source of light in the darkness and Fernando gets startled when a black figure seems to be chasing him. He tries to speed up to hurry away but the car just won't take on any more speed. In fact it's slowing down and eventually stops. Fernando tries starting the engine again over and over but the freaking car doesn't even make a sound.

Panic starts rising inside of him and just as the dark figure lunges itself at him from behind a bright figure in shiny white armour appears right in front of him.

It raises his sword and the black figure seems to be intimidated immediately. The white knight goes after it and they fight. Fernando watches their battle and he admires the white fighter for his skills and bravery. It doesn't take long for him to defeat the black figure which shrinks and shrinks until it's disappeared.

Fernando has gotten out of the car, desperate to know who his saviour was. The knight approaches him and when he lifts his visor Fernando recognizes him by his familiar, dark brown eyes.

"Sergio!" he exclaims and throws his arms around the others neck. They kiss and kiss until they get carried away. When Fernando opens his eyes again he notices they've moved to the backseat of his convertible. Fernando is straddled by the other man whose hands are all over his body. He moans in pleasure when he feels him biting down on his neck and caressing the sensitive skin beneath his ear with his tongue. Fernando wants to kiss him again and brings his hands to his lover's face. When he meets his eyes he is mildly shocked to find the grey eyes of his younger teammate looking back at him. Also the other features of his face leave no doubt that this is certainly not Sergio.

"Saúl?!"

***

"Yes. Can I come in?"

Fernando wakes up startled to the persistent knock on the door.

He sits up, confused about the dream he just had, trying to sort his thoughts.

"Come on, open the door please!" He hears the muffled voice of his dream's protagonist.

"Shit, what was that?" Fernando mumbles to himself and gets up slowly.

He runs his hands through his hair in order to reduce the mess before he opens the door.

"Hey," Saúl lets himself in, "Are you ok?"

"I think so," Fernando answers slightly irritated.

"Sure? Because you missed dinner."

Fernando closes the door and watches Saúl walking over to the table. Fuck, did he really sleep through dinner?

"What time is it?"

"Half past nine. And since you didn't show up I brought you something. Just in case," Saúl explains as he puts down a dish and cutlery.

"Thanks. You didn't have to."

"I know. But I was worried."

Fernando can't move. He's glued to the spot. He's still disturbed by his dream and even more so when the unsettling fact of Saúl's latest announcement finds its way back to his memory. Suddenly he remembers that he's had the same dream before. A long time ago. Last year maybe. Yes, now it dawns on him. Slowly the picture comes back. It was the day Saúl showed up on his doorstep after they hadn't talked during the whole summer. He just stares at Saúl before plopping down on his bed.

"Ok, so I'm right. Something's up. Wanna tell me?"

Fernando shakes his head. He feels the bed dip and a warmth radiating body taking a seat next to him.

"I understand."

Saúl deliberates whether to offer Fernando a hug or just go for it and put his arm around him. His right hand is ghosting over Fernando's back reluctantly. Since they've kind of started avoiding body contact he doesn't know anymore what would be right to do.

Just when he decides to give it a try Fernando lets his head drop onto his shoulder, inhaling deeply to prevent himself from sobbing onto the younger man's sweater.

"Oh, Nando," Saúl sighs and finally wraps his arm around his friend. It feels so good holding him again despite the circumstances. He allows himself to put his head on top of Fernando's and keeps on stroking his back, hoping to calm him down. He would talk to him eventually.

 


	20. Falling For The Enemy

_November 2017_

  
It's quarter past eight when Sergio arrives at Iker's house in Madrid. He hasn't been here in ages and the drive here has brought back quite some memories.

Sergio checks his reflection in the rear view mirror nervously. Fixing a not so stray strand of hair with shaky fingers he gets out of the car and rings the doorbell.

He's greeted by a beaming Iker who pulls him into a tight hug immediately. When he's released Sergio can't help but smile back, despite his current mood. His former captain has always had this special something that could lighten up even his darkest days.

Sergio takes off his coat and lets his gaze wander around the familiar surroundings. It feels strange to be here again.

Iker guides them into the spacious kitchen where he has already prepared the table.

"White or red wine?" Iker appears beside him, putting a hand on Sergio's shoulder to signal him to take a seat.

"Depends what we're having?" Sergio replies and he can feel Iker's scrutinizing look on him.

"I got us sushi. No hassle with heating up, you know."

"Perfect. I'll go for the white wine please." Sergio sounds almost shy and Iker frowns to himself when he turns around to get the bottle out of the fridge. Something's up with his old friend, he can sense it, but decides to postpone addressing it to after dinner.

They eat chatting away about Porto and random stuff. When they're finished Sergio gathers the courage to ask what's been bothering him ever since reading the text.

"So, what's that business you said you are here for?"

Iker takes another sip of his whine before answering.

"I'm afraid I'm not allowed to talk about anything regarding the matter." His poker face doesn't give away anything.

"Are you coming home?"

A rush of excitement and hope runs through Sergio's stomach after posing his question.

He gets a smirk as reply. "Why? Not satisfied with your current keeper?"

Iker always knew how to tease Sergio.

But Sergio's expression remains serious. He's still struggling with Iker having left the club. And him. On the other hand it was healthier for his relationship with Fernando that Iker didn't live close by anymore. But in times like these he could really use his friend living nearer to him.

Sergio doesn't reply, he just keeps staring at Iker.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Iker inquires softly after a few moments of silence. "Come on, let's move next door."

  
The quiet rustling of the fireplace lulls the sitting room into a comfortable warmth and Sergio is truly grateful that he doesn't have to sit at home alone tonight. Just lounging here, knowing his friend is right beside him, not pressuring him to talk but being there in case he wants to, has a soothing effect on Sergio. Iker shifts closer and Sergio lays his head on his chest. The keeper brings his hand to Sergio's hair and starts playing with the short locks absentmindedly. His even breathing calms Sergio even more, so after a while the words spill from his lips.

"I think I'm losing him."

Iker doesn't reply instantly. He stills his fingers and watches Sergio for a moment before he speaks.

"What makes you think that?"

Iker knew about Sergio's way of dealing with stressful situations, especially when Fernando wasn't around. He was a big part of it.

Sergio nuzzles his head against Iker's hand to make him resume playing with his hair. He craves the comforting, familiar touch. Finally he starts telling Iker what's been going on. Tells him about how it all started in Milan, the threesome, the build up of the current situation and his latest suspicions.

Iker listens carefully, trying to analyse the situation from an objective point of view.

  
"Sese, try to remember why you fell in love in the first place. Tell me how the two of you got together. As long as I remember you being together I never heard how you fell for him. Because even though I probably know more of your story than you do - neither me nor anyone else ever stood a chance of being loved by you _that_ way. You know?"

Sergio thinks about these words for a little while. There were so many things about Fernando that the question should rather be 'How could one not fall in love with him?'.

Iker notices the bittersweet smile creeping on Sergio's face at the recall.

"Ok, tell me, when did you first notice you felt more?"

Sergio doesn't need to think long about that.

 

***

 

_October 2005_

  
"Do you want to go to the concert with me? Pleeease?"

Fernando's hazel eyes are directed pleadingly at Sergio.

Of course Sergio wants if that meant spending time with his new friend. They're sitting in a café in the south of Madrid, which Fernando insisted on inviting him to ever since he had heard of Sergio's transfer to Madrid. Unfortunately, in Fernandos opinion, the wrong Madrid, but at least Madrid at all.

They instantly clicked when they had spent some days together when they first met at La Roja. They had a matching humour and the other was easy to talk to and they could discuss about the most senseless stuff but to them it seemed like the most important matter on earth. Such as whether to spread butter under Nutella or not.

"Yeah, I would like that." Sergio smiles and Fernando has a hard time hiding his excitement.

"Oh my God, you'll love them! I'm gonna text Dani, I need two tickets."

Sergio watches him pulling out his mobile. When he types the message his lips are pressed together in concentration with the corners of his mouth giving away the smile tugging there. Around his eyes small crinkles are forming and with the smile finally showing on his lips Sergio suddenly feels an unfamiliar warmth gushing through him.

"Ok done."

  
A few days later Sergio finds himself at the concert of Fernando's friend Dani's band, El Canto del Loco. Sergio has heard of them before, of course, although it's not exactly the type of music he prefers. However, he can't deny they're good.

The way Fernando sings along passionately to each and every song in their rather exclusive VIP area leaves him staring mesmerized at the otherwise pretty shy guy.

Sergio is a dancer. So when Fernando prompts him to join him he has no other choice than to do so. They're dancing side by side, bumping and brushing the other's arm or shoulder more or less accidentally from time to time.

Until _Contigo_ comes on.

Fernando doesn't sing along to this one. Instead he goes to the railing of their area and leans against it pensively, paying full attention to Dani conveying the lyrics.

Sergio watches him. And he listens carefully.

And then Fernando turns around to look at him. They lock eyes and there is this new warmth returning to Sergio's body and that's when he realizes that yes, he only wants to live with Fernando, only wants to dance with Fernando, only wants to be with Fernando, only wants to dream with Fernando, only wants to sing with Fernando, and yes, basically do anything with Fernando.

 

***

 

Sergio is close to tears when he finishes his trip down memory lane.

"I've made so many mistakes. It's my own fault. It's probably what I deserve. But it fucking hurts, Iker."

Iker swallows hard at the desperation in Sergio eyes.  
  
"I could help you soothe the pain for a while."

 


	21. Secrets

_November 2017_

  
After a while Fernando stirs out of Saúl's embrace.

"So what's under that dish?"

In the first moment Saúl is confused but then smiles contentedly. It's a good sign if Nando wants to eat.

"I brought you some salad and chicken. Hope that's ok."

"That's perfect. Mind if I have some? I'm suddenly feeling incredibly hungry."

"Of course. Eat away. I'm gonna leave you alone," Saúl says and moves towards the door.

"Can… Can you please stay?"

Saúl stops. A shiver runs down his spine. He hesitates, then turns around.

"Sure."

This answer earns him a genuine smile he hasn't seen in a long time and he must admit he's missed it more than he thought.

 _Fine, Saúl, stay cool_. He reminds himself of his position.

  
He returns to his seat on the bed and tries not to watch Fernando too intensely how he's munching on his salad. He distracts himself with counting the stripes on the carpet pattern.

"Did anyone miss me?"  
  
"Hm?"

"At dinner." Fernando helps.

 _Yeah, me_ , he wants to reply.

"Antoine asked after you. I just said you weren't feeling so well."

Fernando swallows the piece of chicken he had just put in his mouth and almost chokes, but recovers pretty quickly.

"Which is true, obviously," Saúl remarks with a concerned look.

Fernando avoids his gaze and resumes loading food on his fork and into his mouth.

Saúl watches patiently.

After two more bites Fernando abandons his dinner.

"Thank you. You've just always known what's good for me," he says with a sigh.

Saúl is sure his friend didn't mean it _that_ way but he can't help the tingle in his belly. He thinks that he should leave. Fernando seems to be ok now, and his guts are doing these funny things again he thought he has overcome.

Fernando gets up just to move over to the bed and make himself comfortable. He crawls under the still messy sheets and pets the spot next to him.

"Wanna watch a movie maybe?"

Saúl really shouldn't feel that excited about laying in bed with Fernando again. He's getting married after all.

He approves anyway.

When he's sprawled out on top of the sheets Fernando gives him a questioning look and lifts the cover.

Ok, he's not doing anything forbidden.

He climbs under the covers and keeps a good amount of space between him and the other man.

Fernando zaps through the channels, stopping at the music channel after a few halfheartedly attempts to select anything else, to turn to Saúl.

"I'm so glad you're here."

Saúl's heart does a little flip at the warmth in Fernando's voice. He hasn't even calmed down properly when Fernando speaks again.

"I missed you," he whispers and a hand finds its way onto Saúl's thigh underneath the sheets.

This immediately sends a jolt of arousal through the young Spaniard's body. Which it shouldn't.

Saúl dares to look in Fernando's eyes again. He shouldn't have. The fire burning there and the hand travelling up the inside of his thigh make his breath quicken.

"Fer...," he attempts weakly to make him stop.

Fernando's hand strokes over the undeniable bulge in his sweatpants and Saúl has trouble thinking rationally.

"Fernando," he pries his hand away, "I… I'm getting married."

Fernando snorts at that. Not a very convincing argument.

"Besides… You have Sergio."

There's a moment of silence. They're both staring at the ceiling pensively.

  
"Do you love her?"

"What?"

"Do you love her?" he repeats clearly.

"Of course."

"Like you loved me?" Fernando turns to look at Saúl again and he can swear there was a visible blush on his face.

"Huh?!" This question caught him off-guard.

"Saúl," he lays on his side and tenderly touches the young man's cheek, "Did you mean it back then?"

Saúl's heart is beating like mad in his chest. He instanly knows what Fernando's referring to. This can't be real. Sure he hadn't heard him. He'd been asleep, hadn't he?

Fernando's face is very close to his own now, the heat almost unbearable, the striker's eyes never leaving his.

He answers with a barely noticeable nod. And before he knows it Fernando's lips are on his, claiming them like he's always dreamed of.

They've never kissed before. They had shared handjobs. They had shared blowjobs. They had fucked. But never kissed. This had been a line neither of them dared cross.

Saúl more or less unconsciously expected something to happen when he decided to go to Fernando's room and bring him food.

But never ever had he thought that he would experience the most tender, loving, in a way shy but still demanding kiss, that gives him the most beautiful, out of this world sensations he'd ever dared dream of.

Kissing the man he's been in love with from the first moment he had uttered a nervous 'hola' many years ago, hurts so good he almost forgets he's practically cheating on his fiancée. And most of all on himself. As much as he craves Fernando's touch and attention, he had sworn to never let himself be a cheap substitute.

He knows he could never stand a chance against Sergio, and he's not a person to interfere a happy relationship anyway.

And so, against his body's desire and undeniable reactions, he pulls back, panting.

"Nando, stop. Please. I… I can't. I have a fiancée. And you have Sergio."

"Yeah, you mentioned that before."

Is that disappointment in Fernando's voice?

They're back to staring at the ceiling.

"You didn't answer my first question," Fernando remarks.

Saúl's body is still struggling with the latest sensations and his brain isn't ready to come up with a clever lie just yet. So he spills what's on his mind.

"That doesn't matter because you're never going to love me back _that_ way ever. You're in the happiest relationship I can imagine. And I don't want to be fooled with. That's why I found myself someone nice. There's no point in wasting my time waiting for something that's never going to happen."

There. Finally. He's said it. He confessed his love. He feels relieved and utterly sad at the same time.

"Happiest relationship you can imagine!?" Fernando props himself up, his expression directing his horror at Saúl.

"Wanna hear a secret? Being in a relationship with Sergio Ramos is a constant fight."

Saúl also moves to sit up, his heart still beating like crazy.

"What do you mean by that?"

Fernando takes a deep breath, then gets ready to explain what he's been meaning to tell Saúl for a long time.

"I want to be honest with you. I love Sergio. And I'm sure he loves me, too. But when it comes to certain situations… I've never been enough. I'd hardly been in England for a year when he confessed to have cheated on me for the first time. He even told me he couldn't promise it wouldn't happen again. I had two options. Break up or accept it. So from then on we kind of led an open relationship. And even though I told myself that it is ok, if this is what it needs to be with him - fine, I constantly felt like competing with whoever he would turn to instead of me in search of sexual relief."

Saúl can't believe what he's hearing. He's at a loss for words to these news.

"And… and you?" he manages to stutter, afraid of the answer.

"Me? Well, I hardly ever 'used' my liberty."

Fernando wants to reach out to take Saúl into his arms, to stop him from shaking his head as incredulously as he does. He refrains.

"Wow. So I was one of your 'liberties'?" Saúl doesn't sound accusing. More like hurt and honestly interested in the truth.

"Saúl..." Fernando fails to find the right words and the moment slips away.

"I better leave now." Saúl gets up, tears pricking in his eyes while he approaches the door. He's such a fool.

"Don't marry her!" Fernando exclaims as he jumps to his feet.

Saúl actually turns around, one hand already on the door handle. "Why?"

"Because it's a mistake." Fernando steps towards Saúl.

"Fernando, please, I already told you. There's no point-"

"In waiting… Yes, I know. But let me explain one thing, please."

Fernando grabs Saúl's hand to emphasize what he's going to say.

"When I returned to Madrid and we moved in together, we decided to end this openness. And I was so glad because I thought that finally I could lead a normal relationship without competition. But then there was you. I told Sergio about you. I never made a move on you though until that day in Milan where I felt really bad and you were there for me and then Sergio approved and... Sorry, I'm rambling. I mean, I never just hooked up with you because I didn't want to fuck up what we had. Our friendship was too important to me. But then it happened and it happened again and damn - it was the best sexual experience I had in years! Maybe ever. And you know why? Because you were not just some random fuck. Because you actually cared for me. When I heard you say 'I love you' I freaked. That's why I kept my distance during the summer. But I missed you, honestly, and I was so happy when you talked to me again! I know, maybe I shouldn't have gone for the second time. But I couldn't help myself. And I don't regret anything. I never meant to hurt you though! So when after our threesome even Sergio had noticed what was going on, he opened my eyes and we decided that it had to stop. I had to stop myself to prevent you from being hurt."

They look at each other, watery eyes on both sides. Trying to process what's being said, Saúl swallows hard.

"That still doesn't explain why I shouldn't get married," Saúl reminds Fernando of his question.

"You don't love her," Fernando states firmly.

He steps into Saúl's personal space, his breath hot on the other's forehead. He grabs Saúl's hand with both of his now and brings it to his chest where he makes him feel his violently beating heart.

Saúl gulps, his knees are getting wobbly from the intimacy of the gesture and the moment. He's feeling dizzy.

"Ever since I heard you say the words, I found myself in constant confusion over my feelings and I think that only recently I discovered what it actually means."

Saúl thinks he knows what Fernando is trying to say, however, he doesn't dare believe his assumption. He pulls back reluctantly. The emotions too much to take.

"Saúl, please, I want to feel you again." Fernando breathes longingly and softly kisses Saúl's forehead, a hand stroking slowly down his chest and stomach.

Saúl wants nothing more than to give in to Fernando and feel him, too. But he needs to stay strong. He's made his decision. He's getting married. And Fernando has just said it - he loves Sergio.

He shakes his head. "I should really go now."

And so he does, leaving a devastated Fernando behind.

 


	22. Weird Hotel Room Vibes

_November 2017_

 

The first seconds after Saúl has left, Fernando doesn't know what to do with himself. He has fucked up. Again.

He feels like screaming and punching whatever serves as a thing to be punched but he's petrified, unable to move or do anything.

What did he expect?

  
Part of him wishes that Saúl would come back and say that he's made up his mind. That he wouldn't get married and they could be together. Somehow. They'd figure it out.

But that's the thing. His reasonable part slowly realizes that Saúl has just spared him a fatal decision and saved his relationship with Sergio because now he doesn't have to think about integrating Saúl in some complicated love triangle.

He can just work on forgetting him.

Did he really just think that? As if that was possible!

Fernando still doesn't scream, but he manages a desperate growl to escape his throat when his attention is drawn to the TV where the music channel is still running.

The Foo Fighters are blaring Monkey Wrench. Of course. How suitable.

Fernando turns up the volume as much as the hotel room limit feature allows and throws himself on the bed, pressing his face into the pillow and clawing his fingers into the sheets.

There he is again, sulking on his own, commiserating himself and hating his life.

  
There's a knock on the door.

Fernando immediately jumps up and runs to the door, throwing it open only to find the hall empty.

Great. His mind is mocking him. He huffs in disappointment. Again, what did he expect?

The song is over but the next isn't bad either. It suits Fernando's mood so he sticks with the channel and returns to his spot on the bed, hiding his face and his screams in the soft, white fabric which swallows the latter gratefully.

He tries to think about nothing and gets frustrated when it doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. His head is spinning, a thousand scenarios playing back and forth about what he's going to do, what he could have done differently and what could have been and…

There's another knock on the door.

This time Fernando reacts much more slowly.

The knocking continues.

He hesitantly gets up. His heart starts pounding faster as he approaches the door. He's getting his hopes up to not finding the hall empty this time.

A shaking hand pushes the handle and two seconds later he finds himself being shoved backwards and literally tackled to the bed, faintly hearing the door closing with a click.

"Fuck the wedding!" Saúl exclaims when he breaks his impetuous kiss only to resume instantly.

Fernando is overwhelmed by the events but joins in without hesitation, running his hands all over Saúl's body.

They break apart, panting.

"I want you, Fernando! Only you. There's never been anyone else!"

The spark in Saúl's eye jumps over to Fernando and he switches completely into autopilot mode.

He manages a "Gosh, I want you, too. So much!" inbetween the discarding of their clothes and can't seem to grab and feel enough skin at a time.

"Take me!" Saúl groans and Fernando feels like coming right on the spot before he even got a chance to comply to his wish.

They switch positions and he hurries to prepare Saúl briefly before he enters him in one go, too desperate and too far gone to remember any means of going gently.

It's hard and it's rough and it's sweaty.

And as expected, Fernando doesn't last long and takes Saúl over the edge right with him.

After a moment of calming down Fernando slings an arm around Saúl and snuggles up.

"I love you."

They fall asleep like that.

  
A persistent, very annoying knock jolts Fernando from his sleep.

He slowly blinks his eyes open and reaches beside him only to find the space next to him empty and cold, the scent of Saúl, however, still lingering on the linen.

He lifts the cover and looks down at himself confused when he realizes he's still wearing his t-shirt and sweatpants from last night, a damp spot between his legs reminding him of his vivid dream.

"What the actual fuck?!"

Fernando frowns at the TV that is still on and playing some - for his taste - very unpleasant 'good-morning-music'.

The drumming on the door doesn't stop and Fernando realizes what woke him up.

This time he is genuinely afraid of answering the door. Too disturbing has been the dream he just woke from. It felt so damn real. Well the stains in his pants are indeed real…

Who's at the door? He doesn't dare hope it's Saúl. The disappointment hurts before he even knows whether it's him or not.

Fernando considers just ignoring it but then again…

He opens the door. His face falls when he sees who it is.

"Are you decent?" Antoine asks jokingly, an arm covering his eyes.

"What do you want?"

Antoine lets his arm drop and turns serious.

"I'm looking for Saúl and since he's not in his room I figured he must be here."

"Well, he's not," Fernando deadpans and slams the door shut.

After a second he reconsiders his harsh reaction and opens the door again.

"What makes you think that?"

Antoine's still standing there unchanged.

"Um, last thing I know is he was going to bring you dinner and then I thought..."

"Is he alright?" Fernando starts to worry.

"I was hoping you could tell me but obviously I was wrong?"

"Dammit."

It's definitely no good sign if Saúl hasn't returned to his room and is nowhere to be found.

A buzz from Antoine's phone makes him look up.

"Oh, thank God, Jan found him."

"Where is he?"

Antoine rereads the text.

"Apparently he crashed at Diego's after he caught him sneaking around the hotel last night," the French informs him.

"Cholo?" Fernando's heart drops to his stomach.

"Godín, dumbass!"

"Oh," he lets out a relieved sigh.

"What did I tell you about not playing with him?!" Antoine turns serious.

"What? I'm not… That's none of your business!"

And for the second time he slams the door shut in his teammate's face.

  
In this very moment Fernando makes a decision.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I had to use that trick again. And I feel like stating that this is why it went the way it went and wasn't described in more detail. Hope I got the point across. 
> 
> And I want to use this opportunity to say a massive thank you again to everyone who is still following this story, and especially to my three frequent commentators! :) Your support means so much to me! 
> 
> Happy Valentine's day! <3


	23. Overcoming Phobias

_June 2018_

  
Saúl was still high on the amazing feeling of winning the Europa League when he got the notion that he was called up for the national team. Playing a world cup with the first team was every footballer's dream. He couldn't have been happier and prouder about the message. Until it occurred to him that this also meant spending time with Sergio. And since this man happened to be the captain of la selección he knew the moment the idea of just avoiding him came to his mind that this was as useless as impossible a plan.

To his surprise there were no awkward moments whatsoever at all. He and Sergio only talked professional and not more than necessary. However, he felt the constant observation of his captain. Somehow. Or maybe he was just being paranoid. Saúl decided not to give too much about it and just concentrate on his job and well, he's quite satisfied with his performance even though in general this world cup was one to forget.

He wonders if Fernando had watched them. He doesn't dare ask Sergio though. But sure he did. Maybe he even was a little proud of him.

  
_September 2018_

  
The next time Saúl gets the call, he feels very honoured again. No thoughts are wasted on worrying about Sergio being there and being his captain.

  
It's the evening of a balmy late summerday. Saúl is sitting in one of the comfy loungers on the terrace, daydreaming when he notices a tall figure plopping down on the chair next to him.

Saúl can tell by the way, the person doesn't say anything, who it is. He tries not to feel uneasy.

He wonders if he should say something when Sergio suddenly speaks first.

"I miss him."

Saúl decides not to react to that statement and keeps gazing at the setting sun.

"Do you miss him?"

That, however, makes him look at Sergio in silence.

He is sure his captain knows the answer by his pained expression.

After another quiet moment Sergio leans over the armrest of his lounger and dares touching Saúl's arm, hesitantly at first.

Saúl tenses at the sudden unfamiliar feeling. But he allows himself to relax after a few seconds and Sergio gets encouraged to intensify his caressing. It… actually feels good.

Sergio starts tracing the lines of ink, studying the tattoos with great interest.

Saúl closes his eyes and enjoys the quiet affection. It's been too long since anybody paid him attention like this. It's only a simple stroking of his arm but the moment feels so intimate, so intense. Then the pictures of his previous experience with Sergio sometime ago come flashing in his mind. It makes Saúl feel like they're connected somehow by the shared feeling of missing Fernando that it really gets to him. So much that he's taken by surprise by his own bodily reactions.

"What are you doing?" He snaps and pulls pack his arm.

"Trying to be a good captain," Sergio answers calmly.

"Stop it!"

"Stop what?"

"Trying to seduce me," Saúl retorts blushing.

"I would never."

"Just stop, ok?" It's a weak attempt of hiding his dick's excitement about the long missed bodily attention.

"Hey, I'm not the one getting a hard-on from a simple fondling of my arm."

"Oh, shut up, Capi!"

They both start laughing when Saúl covers his reddend face with his arm, feeling pretty embarrassed by the situation.

"I'm just saying," Sergio smirks at him and Saúl instantly feels a little better.

"Honestly, Saúl, if I can help you with anything like… you know… you're welcome to drop by my room anytime. I know how tough it can be. And for you it's probably even worse. God, just imagine... Ok, I better shut up now. Don't mind me. I'm going back inside."

Sergio gets up, a little embarrassed himself now and puts his hand on Saúl's shoulder.

"I'm serious though. Doesn't have to be you know... Just if you feel like you want some company. I can totally keep my fingers to myself." Sergio winks at Saúl and makes his way back in.

 _What the hell_. Saúl shakes his head in disbelief but is still smiling about the strange situation.

  
Later on in his room, when he's trying to go to sleep, Saúl finds himself deliberating whether to accept Sergio's offer. Does he really want to spend time with his 'competition'? And does he really want Sergio to pity him? Sure, Sergio feels lonely as well, but he's still with Fernando. And Saúl, well, he's with Aurelia. Of whom he hasn't heard in two days.

"Ah, for fuck's sake!" Saúl yells to himself and decides to fuck dignity. He gets up, checks his hair in the mirror briefly, then exits his room and walks over to his captain's room determinedly.

So here he is, standing outside Sergio Ramos's room, contemplating his options once again. Literally anything could happen inside there. He's aware of that. He's not looking to get laid or anything. Honestly. But being close to Sergio also feels like being closer to Nando. He knows it sounds silly. But what is he supposed to do?

Saúl approaches the door to knock on it but immediately screams at the sight he's perceiving there. He scrambles backwards to the opposite side of the hall and slumps down on the floor, his back pressed to the wall as tightly as possible. He's in shock, he can't move. His heart is racing and his throat constricts, his lungs are getting tight and he feels like suffocating.

 _Breathe_ , he thinks, _breathe._ _Calm down. It's alright. You can cope._ Sweat is pooling on his forehead when the door he's still staring at is opened and an astonished looking Sergio pops his head out.

"Hey, Saúl, you alright?" he asks concerned at the strange sight of his teammate on the floor.

Saúl just points a shaky finger in direction of the door where the evil is evoking.

Sergio turns around to look at it but can't see anything. He steps over to Saúl and offers him a hand to pick him up. But he doesn't move.

"Sp... Sp... Spider," Saúl finally stutters.

Sergio once again turns around in disbelief. "What? Where?"

This time he finds the little insect sitting peacfully in the door frame.

So that's what distresses the midfielder so much he's been turned into a shaking mess.

Sergio has to hide a little grin before he can turn to Saúl again. He knows that laughing would be the totally wrong reaction. He decides to deal with it as unspectacularly as possible.

"Ok, I'm just gonna remove it and then you're save to come in. If that's what you were intending to do. How does that sound?" Sergio offers.

"Can you kill it? Please?" Saúl manages to speak again, now that he knows that the matter is taken care of.

Sergio does without further questioning. He's heard of people with arachnophobia, but he's never thought he actually knew one of them. He suddenly has many questions about it but postpones asking them to later. Maybe. If at all. That boy certainly came for a different reason he needs to take care of.

He reaches out his hand which Saúl gratefully accepts this time and leads him into his hotel room where he makes him sit on the bed. Saúl still seems a little distressed so Sergio pours a glass of water and offers it to Saúl.

Saúl feels silly for his behaviour but what's he supposed to do? He can't control it. He's glad Sergio doesn't ask him embarrassing questions about it but instead just wraps his arms around him and holds him.

God, that's really what he needs. Just someone holding him. Understanding him. Spending silent comfort. Not for the spider issue. That's done for now. But keeping him company. Making him feel warm.

He's suddenly on the verge of crying. What the fuck is wrong with him? He's playing for his national team. And he's doing a very good job so far. He had a great day at training. He has a girlfriend he's going to marry soon. Why on earth does he feel so lonely and unsatisfied? Shouldn't he be happy and grateful?

Saúl is ripped from his thoughts when he feels gentle fingers brush away some stray tears, he wasn't even aware of, from his cheeks. Just when he thinks his heart rate has calmed down and his breathing has gone back to normal he gets overwhelmed by the gesture of affection from his captain. No one else can probably understand him as well as Sergio right now and that's quite an odd thought. Sergio of all people.

"I do miss him. Hell, do I miss him!"

He couldn't hold it in any longer. The tears start flowing freely.

"I know," Sergio confirms softly, trying to calm Saúl down by running his hand up and down his back. "How about you kick of those shoes and make yourself comfortable? I could make some tea and if you wanna talk we can talk. If you just want me to be quiet, I think I can do that, too." Sergio adds with a smile.

Saúl does so and climbs under the covers while watching Sergio prepare the kettle.

He has the blanket pulled up to his chin, his fingers gripping it tightly when he utters his shy request, "Can you maybe just lay with me?"

"Of course."

Sergio puts down the kettle and crawls under the covers to join Saúl who has curled himself up on the side. He hesitates to snuggle up against the younger man. He doesn't want to hassle him. So he goes for stroking his arm again, choosing the slow way to make body contact.

Saúl is really tired by now. He catches Sergio's hand from his arm and laces their fingers together. He stills their hands and tries to breathe calmly, revelling in the pleasant company.

Sergio scoots a little closer now, shifting his position to lay a little more comfortable. They stay like that. In silence. After a while Sergio can tell by Saúl's even breathing that he must have fallen asleep. He carefully pulls back his hand and arm which have gone numb to make the blood circulate again.

He's beautiful, Sergio thinks. And he's such an honest, loving and caring soul from what he knows by now. This kid definitely deserves better than that. He deserves better than to hide behind a fake relationship. That's for sure. The defender watches him for a little longer before he switches off the bedside lamp and finally falls asleep himself.

He's woken by a movement of the bed and the quiet rustling of the sheets. He notices Saúl leaving the bed and is about to ask what he thinks where he's going but keeps quiet and is relieved to find him only going to the bathroom and coming back to bed afterwards.

Sergio pretends to be asleep but he's suddenly wide awake. The thoughts of how he could help Saúl feel better and what he could do to prevent him from making the mistake of marrying someone he doesn't love, keep him up. He would like to say that it's none of his business but he's promised Fernando to look after Saúl when he's gone. And it's not only that. To be honest, he really likes the young Spaniard himself.

His attention is drawn to the person next to him again when he notices the mattress underneath him vibrating slightly. It takes him a moment to grasp what's going on but then realizes quickly. He's done that more than enough himself. Jerking off in order to go to sleep. Most of the times it helps.

Sergio deliberates his options. Then goes for it.

Saúl gets startled by a hand sneaking under his cover and appearing on his butt. It makes him forget to breathe for a second.

He stills when he feels the hand push into his pants and boxer briefs all at once to slide between his buttocks.

"Does she do that to you?"

Saúl gasps.

"Does she do anything to you at all?" Sergio starts teasing Saúl's hole with his fingers.

There's no answer. The panting is enough of an answer to Sergio though.

Sergio grows bolder, rubbing at his entrance now.

Saúl, once again, is torn between giving in to the pleasure and being the reasonable man he's trying so hard to be.

"Sergio, please."

"Please what?" The Andalusian retorts, the sound of his name making his own dick twitch in anticipation.

"Please stop."

Sergio does and retracts his hand. Though a little disappointed.

Saúl interrupts his actions. After a moment he feels like he owes Sergio an explanation and turns around to lie on his back now.

"We can't do that, you know…"

Sergio wants to know what's going on in the other's mind.

"Do you feel like you're betraying her?"

"That's not it."

"You feel like betraying him. Is it that?"

"Sergio…"

"What?"

Saúl exhales deeply.

"You're hurting him."

Sergio chuckles to himself. That boy is unbelievable. He could start a discussion now what makes him think that. What does he know? Sergio figures Fernando has told Saúl about the special nature of their relationship at some stage. But he decides not to address this matter. Not now.

"Well, for a fact I know that he'd be ok with that."

Saúl remains quiet.

"I'm not supposed to tell you this, but Nando asked me to look after you when he's gone."

Saúl huffs, his heart constricting at the thought. Well, great. Fernando has told Sergio to pity him? He knows that Sergio's attention doesn't mean anything, ok. But Nando? That hurts.

"No, goodness, boy, don't get me wrong. He didn't tell me to look after you _that_ way. Just to keep an eye on you. I'm sorry, this must have sounded all wrong. It's not like that! Not at all."

Sergio tries to make up for his unfortunate choice of words. He's looking for Saúl's left arm and is relieved when he doesn't get pushed away.

"Saúl, he cares about you. A lot. And I know you still care about him. More than you're willing to admit to me." Sergio brushes his thumb over the part of skin where he knows the small FT9 tattoo is situated. "That's all I wanted to say. And I respect if you don't want me to touch you that way. But you deserve to live. Don't forbid yourself a little fun. It doesn't have to be me. I understand that I'm not a preferred option."

Saúl wants to tell Sergio off. To go fucking mind his own business and leave him alone. But he's sick of fighting it. Fucking tired of living in denial all the time, pretending he's happy with a girl he hardly sees and to be honest doesn't want to see more than necessary because she only reminds him of what he can't have all the time. And there's no use acting in front of Sergio anyway. He has long seen him through and knows too much. Has known all along.

"Fuck, Sergio, I just… I just," Saúl can't hold back the sobs, "I feel so ridiculous!"

"Don't!" Sergio finally pulls him into his arms. "I hate to admit it but I understand why Nando feels the way he does for you. You're a wonderful person and for some crazy reason I'm starting to grow pretty fond of you, too."

After the first shock this elicits a little chuckle from Saúl who eagerly tries to wipe away those silly tears.

"Thank you," he whispers and Sergio presses a light kiss to his head.

Sergio smiles to himself. It's a little bittersweet. And while Saúl manages to fall asleep rather quickly again, Sergio has trouble sorting the many crazy thoughts running through his head that keep him awake for almost the rest of the night.

That was some wild midnight talk.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't examine the phobia thing too closely...


	24. Haunted House Tour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm still alive! And I know I often say this and probably nobody cares, but I genuinely want to apologize for taking so utterly long for this update! Uni term papers were just merciless and needed to be done first. Still, every time I think I get the next chapter done faster, it takes even longer than ever before. I hate it. But - this chapter is around 4k so I guess it counts as two? 🤷♀️
> 
> Anyway, we are now back in the timeline of chapter 5. Hope you enjoy!

_October 2018_

  
Saúl still can't believe how he ended up sitting in a private jet to Japan in the (almost) middle of the season. He also still can't believe how he has managed to convince Simeone to give him three days off. Ok, he has trouble with his right thigh anyway, but that usually still means training on his own and especially working with the physios.

 _It's an emergency!_ Sergio's words are ringing in his ear.

It's strange, flying all by himself. Usually he has his teammates around when on a plane. It's dark outside and it's like three in the morning (whatever that is where he is at the moment) but his excitement still won't let him sleep. He's gonna be wrecked once he arrives in Japan. He knows it.

_He had to share me for years. Now I'm willing to make a compromise._

Sergio's words keep repeating in his head.

_He deserves to be happy. And he needs a break from our complicated mess. You'll do him good. And the other way around even more so. I'm sure._

Saúl still isn't convinced of Sergio's foredoomed to failure plan. He just shouldn't have come over when Sergio had called him after that crappy game Real had had against Levante.

He knew that could only mean trouble.

But Sergio has really helped him during the past weeks. It's not like they hung out a lot. They're both way too busy with their own clubs and schedules for that. However, Sergio had convinced him to see a therapist to get rid of his phobia. Which was… very considerate, Saúl concludes. He feels so much lighter since then. The phobia hadn't been too heavy so it only took a few weeks and sessions with the therapist to 'cure' him. He should have done that a lot earlier but he had adapted pretty well to it and had developed coping strategies. And still he is very grateful to Sergio for his efforts because everything is so much easier now. Well, not everything obviously, but everything connected with the outdoors and cellars and attics and…

If only he could finally manage to fall asleep for a few hours or at least minutes. His thoughts are killing him.

What is he going to say to Fernando anyway? Will he open the door? Will he even be at home? God, that could only go wrong. Sergio's shitty plan isn't thought through at all.

He should have said no when he still had the chance. At the latest when Sergio told him his story of his surprise visit in Liverpool many years ago, which contributed more to the cons than to the pros of Sergio's argumentation in Saúl's opinion, but somehow he still ended up on that plane. At least he was smart enough to book himself a hotel unlike Sergio back in the days. Because as far as Saúl is concerned he isn't such a lucky bastard.

 

***

  
The sudden feeling of nausea makes Fernando rise from his spot on the floor and run to the bathroom. He gets there just in time. After he's calmed down a little, he tries to think of how to get rid of this unbearable feeling he's left with inside his stomach. Or is it his heart? What does he usually do?  
Hiding in bed isn't an option. This is different. This is a whole new level. Work out? Doesn't feel right either. Drink? Well... Maybe this is the one time in his life where he could try drowning his sorrow in alcohol. Other people do it all the time. So...

Fernando rummages through his fridge and some other cupboards. Great, he doesn't have one single drop of spirit or even just beer in his apartment.

He thinks about who he could call who could possibly want to go for a drink with him. He doesn't think any of the guys would to be honest. Joan doesn't drink at all and the Japanese fellows only off season. He calls Mu anyway. It's worth a try. At least he wouldn't be alone. Company might be a good idea. Alcohol or not.

A phone call and a shower later Fernando finds himself sitting in quite a fancy bar with Mu, chatting about everything and nothing.

"There is this haunted house in Fukuoka, you should really go there!"

"Eeeww, are you kidding me? They probably have the worst and most evil creatures of this planet there! No way I'm going there," Fernando jokes although meaning it absolutely serious.

"Which creatures are we talking about?" Mu asks teasingly.

"Oh no, I'm not gonna tell you."

"Come on! Zombies? Skeletons? Mummies? Spiders?" his teammate takes some guesses.

"Pfff... What would be scary about those?" Fernando laughs. "Although, wait, I actually know someone who's afraid of spiders."

"Perfect. Take her there!"

"Take her…? It's…," Fernando interrupts himself before spilling anything he might regret, "Why would I?"

"Because you're blushing."

"I'm what? Definitely not!"

"Definitely yes! Who is it?"

Fernando tries to regain his composure.

"Another thing I'm not gonna tell."

"Too bad."

"But tell me, why would you take your crush to a haunted house?" Fernando asks honestly confused.

"I tell you if you tell me who it is."

Mu gestures to the bartender who only seconds later places two shot glasses in front of them.

Fernando eyes them suspiciously, "What is this?"

"Truth serum," Mu grins.

"Then I better not drink it."

"Come on. You were the one who asked to go for a drink," Mu grins nudging Fernando's shoulder.

"Alright," Fernando gives in, lifting his glass.

"Kampai!"

"Kampai!"

 

***

  
After Saúl has arrived safely in his hotel and managed to calm himself down a bit, he gathers the courage to take a taxi to the address Sergio has given him.

As predicted he's super exhausted but still too nervous and anxious about what's going to happen to have slept for more than ten minutes without interruption.

The worst thing about going to meet Nando any minute are not the annoying butterflies in Saúls stomach but the fact that he has no idea what Sergio has told Fernando. So he has no idea in what state he's going to find him.

Saúl rings the bell with the only familiar name on it and prays for the door to open and to stay closed at the same time.

It stays closed.

His racing heart and the shaky finger on the doorbell are giving away that he has trouble gathering the courage to try it once again.

That's when he hears someone approach from behind.

He turns around just to stare in the incredulous, familiar eyes of Fernando. Saúl is frozen to the spot. And so seems Fernando. Until he begins to laugh. Like really laugh. Saúl has no clue what's going on.

"Hahaha, great, now I'm even hallucinating. That last shot was really one too many," he grumbles to himself fishing his keys out of his pocket while trying not to lose his balance. "Excuse me, sir, I need to get…"

"Fernando?!" Saúl finally manages to open his mouth, "Are you alright?"  
  
That makes Fernando stop and look at the young man once again.

"Saúl?"

"Oh, thank God, you recognize me, so it can't be too bad."

Fernando giggles, threatening to tip over but Saúl reacts fast enough to catch him. He is nearly crushed under the older man's hug that follows the "Are you for real? Are you really here?!" but he couldn't care less. He can't believe he's found him so quickly and he wouldn't have thought to even find himself in his arms almost at the same time. God, how he has missed that. How he has missed _him._

Saúl can instantly tell by the smell and the crossed look in Fernando's eyes that he must have been drinking. Which, as far as he's concerned, Nando has never done before. What on earth has Sergio told him to make him that desperate? Although worried to hell, Saúl can't help but feel happy to be in his arms again, and he would take care of him now.

"Wow, I have missed you so much, you have no idea!" Fernando slurs, "Come in!"

Saúl's heart does a little flip upon hearing those words, although Fernando's state isn't really one to trust anyway.

They manage to ascend the stairs to the second floor and Saúl is quite impressed how spacious and pretty the apartment looks from inside. The building didn't make such a nice impression from outside.

"I would offer you something to drink but I really need some sleep first. I'm not feeling so well, but feel free to make yourself at home. I'm just gonna go…"

Saúl can only watch how Fernando throws his hands to his mouth and runs to the bathroom.

The noises he witnesses are giving away how unwell indeed Nando must be. Saúl would have Sergio's head for that. When he doesn't hear anything from the bathroom anymore, Saúl dares entering it. The door was left open anyway.

What he finds there on the cold tiles is a sleeping ball of misery. A still very cute ball though. For fuck's sake, he would really kill Sergio.

Saúl decides not to wake Fernando (not that it would have been possible), instead he figures it would be best to drag him into his bed. He undresses him to his t-shirt and underwear, doubting his actions just the tiniest bit whilst in the process, but there's nothing he hasn't seen before and so he guesses it's alright. He manages to put Fernando to bed safely and once he's done he gets overwhelmed by his own tiredness. Saúl contemplates sleeping on the sofa but then again, what if Fernando gets sick again? He'd better be near him. And he hasn't made this hell of a journey for nothing, has he?

Saúl finds a bucket in the kitchen and fills it with some water to put it beside the bed. Just in case. You never know and it's better to be prepared.

Once this is done he discards his own clothes and carefully climbs into bed beside Fernando. He listens to the other's quiet snoring and before he knows it, he's vast asleep.

 

***

 

Fernando wakes to a throbbing headache. Damn, what's going on? The pictures of last night come back hastily. He instantly feels a little sick again. Then the pieces slowly click together. The phone call with Sergio, the break up, the drinks with Mu, … Mu. Oh oh oh, he doesn't remember undressing and going to bed. Fernando jerks up, suddenly wide awake, staring at the figure next to him. No, no, no, lord, good God, please don't... He carefully lifts the covers and the sight almost makes him scream.

What the hell is _he_ doing here? Is he still dreaming? Yeah, he thinks he remembers dreaming about Saúl. He met him at his doorstep and they hugged and then he invited him in. He's had that dream a hundred times before so he concludes he's still asleep and dreaming. But the headache and the nausea feels too real.

Then the figure moves.

Saúl slowly blinks his eyes open to find Fernando staring at him in a mix of horror and disbelief.

"Good morning. How are you feeling?" Saúl asks, his voice hoarse from sleep.

"Like a freight train ran through my head," Fernando grumbles rubbing his forehead and eyes, "Am I dreaming?"

Saúl shifts to sit up a little and completely wake up himself. He pinches Fernando's cheek.

"Ouch!"

"Guess you're not. And neither am I."

"Jesus Christ," Fernando shakes his head, "I can't believe it, this is all so… so…"

"Unreal?"

"Yeah, unreal", he turns to Saúl, "Did I even say hello properly?"

"Well…"

Before Saúl can finish his answer Fernando throws himself at his surprise visitor, almost crushing him under his tight embrace.

"Welcome to Japan," he blurts as tears start to make their way down his cheeks. Tears of joy and tears of pain at the same time. Saúl can tell.

"Do I want to know why you're here?" Fernando asks, trying to suppress the sobs.

Saúl just gives him a crooked smile in response, conveying that they both know who's responsible for that.

"Nando, I swear I have no idea what he told you, but given you've been drinking..."

Fernando tenses visibly and interrupts him, "You don't know?"

Saúl gets worried, only now noticing how visible the pain is mirrored in Fernando's dark brown eyes and it seriously hurts himself to see the other like that. "No. What on earth happened? What did he say?"

"Can we please not talk about it now? I better go take a shower. I must smell disgusting. How about I make us some breakfast afterwards and then we could do something together? I mean it's not everyday that you are in Japan." Fernando forces a smile.

"Sounds good," Saúl agrees and watches Nando swing his legs out of bed swearing quietly about his headache.

He gets up shortly afterwards and sighs at his own not so fit looking reflection when he passes by the big mirror in the hall on the way to the kitchen.

The view out of the window is not so bad at all, Saúl thinks. There are lots of brown and grey buildings around but also plenty of trees, a little park, and the sky is a friendly blue which probably makes it look a lot nicer.

How may it feel to wake up to this view everyday? How does it feel when the sky is not as blue as today? He remembers Sergio telling him that Fernando had mentioned that it's been raining quite a lot since he has arrived.

Saúl wants to do something useful while waiting for Fernando and thinks of something to help them with the weariness and headache. He figures out how to use the fancy coffee machine and makes two espressos to which he adds some squeezes of lemon.

"Ah, prefect timing. Here, drink this!" Saúl passes Fernando the small cup.

Fernando eyes it suspiciously what makes him remember a similar scene from last night, with the difference that it hadn't been espresso.

He frowns at the memory because his headache instantly reminds him why he never drinks.

"Thanks," he accepts the cup and starts pulling out a pan and gets some eggs from the fridge.

"So, did you have a good journey?" Fernando tries to sound casual while working away on the eggs.

"It was ok. Had better flights before to be honest," Saúl smiles slightly. "Hey, what do you suggest we could do today?"

Fernando catches the smile and it is infectious as always. He can feel it instantly spreading on his face, too. He didn't feel like smiling at all until a few minutes ago. But seeing Saúl sitting in his kitchen, in only a t-shirt and his boxer briefs, hair tousled from sleep, sipping on his espresso, being all domestic as if they hadn't not seen each other and talked in over four months, brings back certain feelings which he still can't help. It's not the first time they had put a radio silence on themselves. He shivers remembering how it ended the last time…

Fernando clears his throat, "Ehm... let me think…", he scrambles the eggs in the pan, "Actually, I have an idea but I don't think you'd like it. How about we just go to the sea?"

"Come on, spill it!"

"Well, one of my colleagues recommended this haunted house to me, said I should go there, but they probably have these small, crawling creatures you…"

"Perfect! Let's do it!" Saúl exclaims a little too enthusiastically.

"But?"

"I got rid of it," he explains beaming.

Fernando stares at him. Shocked.

"Nando! The eggs!"

Oh, right. Fernando hurries to save the eggs from burning.

"I made a therapy. And it's gone," Saúl explains proudly.

"Wow, that's great news," Fernando acknowledges but can't hide a trace of sadness in his voice. He proceeds to arrange the eggs on two plates.

"Nando, what's up?"

Busying himself with making coffee Fernando grumbles his reply, "It's just… I have no idea what's going on in your life. I don't even find the time to catch up on Atleti news, let alone watch the matches. I sometimes manage to watch Ser…"

The next thing audible is the shattering of a coffee mug.

Damn, Saúl jumps to his feet to help Nando with cleaning up the pieces before he cuts himself or something.

"Sorry," Fernando says trembling, "I'm probably still a bit tipsy."

He grabs a new mug and continues serving coffee.

"Nando, what…"

"So, in this haunted house…," Fernando quickly switches the topic, "If you're no longer afraid of, ehm,  
am I allowed to say the word?"

He gets a nod in response.

"Wow, I need to get used to that. So if you're no longer afraid of spiders, it looks like you'll be the one who'll have to save me from… you know, these other horrible creatures", Fernando concludes with a smirk.

"Woah, I totally forgot about that! It's gonna be alright, I'll be there," Saúl replies grinning.

"I know. There's also some spelt bread and avocado if you like," Fernando offers pointing with the spatula at said food, his mood already lighter.

 

***

 

They've just managed to get through a room full of mummies alive and well, when they don't even get a minute to catch their breaths and a fresh cloud of fog arises.

Saúl grabs Fernando's arm reflexively. There haven't been any spiders yet and although he knows he isn't scared of them anymore, he can't shake off the queasy feeling.

"Ok, easy. We can do it", Fernando tries to calm him down, although his own heart is racing like mad. "We need to find the exit on the other side, I guess. How about we just move along the wall and feel for a door or something?"

"Ok. You go first, I'm right behind you."

Saúl never lets go off Fernando's arm while they're creeping along the wall, their vision almost completely blocked by thick fog and the dim lighting.

Fernando smiles to himself. It's exactly how Mu has explained to him. He plays the strong guardian and impresses and comforts his crush. He can't really say if it's the haunted house making his heart go crazy or the trust Saúl puts in him in this truly extraordinary experience.

"Fuck, I think we're at the entrance again," Fernando states.

"There!" Saúl tightens his grip around Fernando's arm and points to a shadow appearing amidst the fog.

The screechy music isn't really helping them feeling any easier, but Fernando is determined to protect the younger man at all costs.

"If we're ever going to survive this, I…"

Saúl is interrupted by an ear-splitting scream by Fernando who trips over his own feet and stumbles backwards right into Saúl's arms, who catches him safely.

He's breathing heavily and Saúl can probably feel his heart beating out of his chest and the sweat on his forehead gives away that he's just got the fright of his life.

"Woah, woah, I'm here. I'm here, it's alright. Shhhh," Saúl tries to calm him down, holding him tightly and stroking his head.

He can only see the creature now which is approaching them in slow movements, an evil, mad grin plastered to his snow white face.

"Come!" It's Saúl now who takes Fernando by the hand and drags him across the room towards the spot where the curly redhead appeared from, carefully giving it a wide berth.

"Look! A trapdoor!"

Saúl opens it and is surprised when he finds it unlocked. God, he hopes this isn't a trap and they can really escape from what he believes to be Fernando's biggest horror. Which is actually chasing them now.

Fernando is unable to move, his heart is racing, he is sweating and he desperately wants to get out of this hell of a house the fuck right now. But he's frozen.

Saúl pulls at his hand and helps him descend the stairs, closing the trapdoor behind them to make sure they're save.

Once they're on solid ground again, Fernando clings onto Saúl for dear life.

"Shhh, it's alright." Saúl holds him safely in his arms, rubbing his back in comfort, "I told you I'd be there if something like that appeared."

Fernando is really having trouble calming down again and is sobbing into the crook of the younger man's neck. Thank God, there are no witnesses. It's not only because of the recent experience anymore but because of the whole messed up situation which once again crashes down on him and he has no idea how to get out of it.

"Damn, in Japan they really take those things to a whole new level, don't they?" Saúl states in an attempt of lightening the mood, still holding Fernando protectively.

"Can we get out of here? I mean right now? This is too much to handle after a night like the last and all…"

"Of course. There is a sign for the emergency exit, let's go!"

 

***

 

"I'm so glad you saved me there. Really, I'm such a softy, it's embarrassing," Fernando says chuckling lightly once they've entered the car.

"Don't be silly! Imagine me being chased by a giant spider or something. I might have just fainted. Therapy or not," Saúl retorts laughing.

Fernando's heart instantly feels warm. He looks right into the beautiful grey eyes of his co-driver and suddenly gets overwhelmed by this yearning feeling. The feeling he thought he has overcome. The feeling he hoped he would overcome when cutting the contact and creating a certain amount of distance between them, distracting himself with a new careerwise adventure.

Who was he trying to fool?

He knows Sergio has sent him. Like he used to before. He knows Saúl wouldn't have come on his own initiative. On the one hand he's grateful for this but on the other hand he he still wants to slap Sergio in the face for his latest move. He just doesn't get it. Why?

"Nando? Nando!" Saúl waves his hand in front of his face, "What's on your mind?"

Fernando shakes himself out of his trance-like stare. God, he needs to get a grip.

"Don't you think it's time we finally talk?" Saúl asks softly.

He only gets a shake of the head in response.

"Hey, what would you like to eat?" Fernando enquires instead, forcing a smile.

Saúl sighs. He'll probably fly home without knowing what actually happened. But he doesn't want to ask Sergio. He's only sent one quick text to Sergio since he arrived in Japan saying he found Nando.

"Hmm, I know it sounds very cliché, but shouldn't I have some original sushi while here?"

"Perfect. I know a place not too far from here," Fernando approves and starts the engine.

 

***

 

The sun is setting and the trees are swaying in the light breeze. Fernando is sitting on a rock, watching Saúl standing by the shore gazing across the ocean. The sight of his trustful friend and the gentle sound of the sea are soothing Fernando's troubled mind.

After a while Saúl turns around and Fernando can't help but marvel at the beauty of this man with his eyes matching the colour of the sea so perfectly.

"Japan is beautiful," he announces and resumes looking at the crashing waves.

Fernando gets up and steps over to Saúl. He's standing right behind him now and he's sure Saúl can tell by his breath tickling his neck.

"It's a pity I already have to leave so soon."

"Japan has so much more on offer I'd love to show you. It's a beautiful country indeed. It's just missing something very important," Fernando whispers and dares to plant a light kiss on Saúl's neck.

"Fer," he growls but tilts his head to give Fernando better access.

"When do you have to leave?"

Fernando has purposely avoided this question all day. He doesn't want to think about the time when he'll be left alone again with his mess of a relationship and his chaotic, now even more stirred up than ever before feelings.

"Tomorrow morning."

Saúl feels familiar strong arms wrap around his waist, his heart beating in his throat, a hot breath brushing his ear.

"Spend the night with me."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for bearing with me! 
> 
> My apologies to @furiousflamewolf and everyone else who dislikes 🤡🤡.


	25. Scandal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! She's still alive! And I know nobody gives a damn but I'll say it anyway: I'm sorry I'm so awfully slow with the updates.  
> And this never was supposed to become over 4k again but oh well...
> 
> Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy it and Happy Easter everyone!!! 🐇
> 
> P.s.: @Blk, are you still with us?

_Japan, October 2018_

  
They had stayed just a little while longer, until the sun had disappeared and the scarlet, orange, and red had faded into a black, star sprinkled night sky. And if it wasn't October, Fernando would have probably thrown Saúl into the sand and made love to him right then and there, with only the stars to witness.

When they arrive home after a drive in pleasant but tingling silence, Fernando can barely hold back from tackling Saúl onto his bed and rip off his clothes like an animal. However, he is determined not to fuck things up this time.

So he takes his hand and guides him to the bedroom, making him sit on his bed, switching on a bedside lamp. Fernando takes off his sweater and the t-shirt below, well aware of the other's eyes on him. He lets his right hand travel down his toned chest.

"How about you?" Fernando is testing the waters.

Saúl breaks his mesmerized gaze to get rid of his own hoodie, realizing that he won't get anything he desires unless he conveys his consent somehow.

He gasps when he suddenly feels Fernando's hands on his shoulders, pushing him back on the bed. Soon he finds them all over himself, worshipping his body, accompanied by tender lips leaving countless kisses on every inch of exposed skin.

Fernando is sucking on his neck while his own hands are roaming the older man's back, the sensations sending shivers down his spine.

It's no surprise Saúl is already hard and a needy moan escapes his mouth when their crotches unexpectedly rub against each other.

He's been imagining this situation the whole flight to Japan, the whole day in Fernando's company, and most of all the whole drive back from the beach. And this was also when he decided that he needs Fernando to be honest with him before anything can happen between them. He needs to know what Sergio told him to make him this miserable.

"Nando," Saúl calls breathing heavily before he reaches the point of no return.

Fernando looks up confused. Did he do anything wrong?

"Nando," Saúl repeats, shaking his head, "I can't go on until you finally tell me what happened. I need you to be honest with me."

Sighing Fernando climbs down from Saúl and lays beside him. Saúl's right, he deserves to know the truth. Fernando feels reminded of their bedtime talk in the hotel room back in November last year. And his dream after Saúl had stormed out. Ever since, in his dreams, he's told him a hundred times that he loves him. It's about time to finally man up and speak the truth.

 

"He broke up with me."

 

Of course. Saúl should have known it. Sergio knew he wouldn't sleep with Fernando without him being around whilst they're still together. That sly bastard. To hurt Nando like that.

"Hey, look at me." Fernando cups Saúl's face. "You're not a cheap replacement. No substitute. No stopgap."

Saúl blinks away the developing tears.

"I don't want to fuck this up again. I should have said it a long time ago. Or maybe not, because I know I have no right. But you want me to be honest, and I want it, too. More than ever before. I want to say it loud and clear because I mean it. With all my heart."

Fernando swallows the knot in his throat and makes sure to have Saúl's full attention.

  
"I love you."

  
He tries to read the reaction in these hopeful eyes and gets it immediately.

"Then show me. Kiss me!"

Fernando doesn't need to be told twice. His lips instantly lock with Saúl's and it's pure magic. The feelings, the sensations, so strong. When their tongues meet, it's like the perfect ending of a story of endless held back longing is finally being told and the world is a peaceful place with no cares at all.

There's desire, there's passion and there's love love love. Fernando is on top of Saúl again, caressing the soft skin, leaving goosebumps wherever his fingers travel and the air is sizzling, their arousal palpaple.

Fernando pulls back from kissing Saúl, catching his breath.

"I want to make you mine."

Saúl meets Fernando's gaze, his voice firm when he speaks, "You made me yours a long time ago."

"Are you saying that…"

"Yes."

"No one?"

"No one."

Fernando needs to bite his own fist to prevent himself from coming on the spot, aroused to the max by the pure meaning of this confession.

"What about your fiancée?"

"Nothing."

  
There's a moment of silence, erratic breathing, and eyes staring right into each other's.

After this it's like a switch has been flipped. Both men are getting rid of their pants and boxer briefs simultaneously in one go, throwing them on the floor carelessly.

Fernando is over Saúl again in an instant, the younger one spreading his legs in invitation.

"I'd love to make this all romantic and take it slow and... Fuck!" Fernando screams when Saúl's hand slips between his buttocks. "But neither do I have condoms nor lube, and if you don't stop teasing me like this..."

He's cut short by Saúl grabbing his fingers and slipping them into his mouth, sucking and wetting them to release them with a filthy plop, guiding them to his entrance.

"Just hurry up!"

Fernando does and pushes in his index, the middle finger following suit. He has Saúl thriving in sweet pleasure before his dick even went near his ass.

Saúl pulls Fernando down for a kiss, and again it's pure magic, sending shivers through both their bodies.

"Enough," he whispers when they part, prompting Fernando to kneel over him.

Fernando retrieves his fingers and shifts his position so he can slide his dick into the hot, demanding mouth beneath him.

Saúl savours the familiar taste of precum the second he swirls his tongue around Fernando's hard length and the older can hardly prevent himself from coming right into his mouth.

"Saúl," he warns.

But Saúl has decided he likes how he can make Fernando lose all his selfcontrol just by using his tongue and lips too much. They would have all night to catch up on this and pick up where they got carried away.

Fernando reacting to him makes his own hips jerk between the strong thighs captivating him and he's more than close himself without even being touched.

Saúl opens his eyes and looks into Fernando's only to see them fall shut and Fernando throwing his head back with a loud, long groan, spilling right into Saúl's throat who swallows decently, greedily, everything he possibly can.

Fernando collapses on top of Saúl trapping their dicks between their stomachs and the slightest grind sends Saúl right over the edge as well, smearing his cum between their sweaty bodies, leaving them both panting in blissful relief.

When they've both calmed down Fernando captures Saúl's lips, tasting himself on the other's tongue which welcomes him happily after sharing their most intimate moment ever.

And for a short spell nothing but them exists. Nothing else matters. Right here, in Japan, in Fernando's bed, the two of them literally stuck together, is the most perfect place on earth.

  
"Please don't fall asleep just yet," Saúl breathes while running his fingers through Fernando's hair when the other has settled his head on his chest, looking all spent and peaceful.

"No? Why not? Do you have plans?" A smirk plays around the corners of Fernando's mouth.

He lifts his head and sees the hopeful sparkle in Saúl's eyes.

"Alright, sweetie pie. Come!" Fernando rolls off of Saúl and grabs his hand to drag him to the shower.

Saúl blushes over the petname but at the same time feels incredibly flattered. It's the first time Nando, his Nando, calls him by another name than just Saúl. It's all too good to be true.

The next moment he finds himself in Fernando's arms, a warm spray of water running down their heated bodies. Fernando takes a generous amount of shower gel and starts spreading it over Saúl's back carefully, gently turning him around and massaging his neck and shoulders while in the process.

Saúl still feels like dreaming. This is actually even better than just the sex. Genuinely being taken care of. Sensing the love in the way he's being held, caressed, the emotion is noticeable in every tiny touch.

He feels light kisses on his shoulders, travelling up to his neck where they're growing more intense. Hands start stroking down his sides, taking a detour across his chest and stomach before gripping his dick, which he comments with a needy moan.

Next thing he notices is a hot erection pressing against his butt, sending a jolt of shivers all through his body and making his knees wobbly.

Saúl turns around and drops to his knees, the water from the rain shower still sprinkling their bodies pleasantly. He looks up at Fernando, his eyes giving away his desire as he eagerly wraps his lips around the other's hard length.

Fernando allows himself to enjoy yet another blow-job for a few moments before one hand tugs lightly on Saúl's hair to make him stop while the other hand turns off the water.

"Not good?"

"Other plans, remember?"

Fernando briefly wraps Saúl in a fluffy, white towel while shoving him back into the bed room, leaving water stains himself wherever he walks.

The towel is thrown away and once again they find themselves on the bed, Fernando leaning over Saúl, his breath coming out erratic. He's pulled in for a kiss.

"Are you sure you want this? That it is ok?" Saúl needs to know before going that final step.

Fernando looks at him, internally shaking his head at how concerned this man actually is.

"I'm officially single," he assures and captures Saúl's lips in another kiss.

"Well, I'm not," Saúl retorts with a mischievous smile.

"Let me make you forget about them!"

Fernando slams his lips on Saúl's one more time and kisses him passionately, indeed making him dizzy and forget everything around them.

He pulls back to push his fingers in instead and when they're released he brings them to Saúl's entrance, teasing and sliding inside to prepare him.

They're both panting, Saúl's hands gripping Fernando's ass, pulling him closer. He can't wait any longer. He needs to feel him. Now.

Fernando gets the hint and retrieves his fingers to replace them with his dick. He gives himself a few strokes before pushing in, slowly, gently, trying to make this as least painful as possible.

Saúl grimaces at the long missed feeling coming back to life from his carefully tucked away memory from a long time ago.

"You ok?"

Saúl nods. Yes, it hurts. But it's the good kind of hurt. The one that gives you the most incredible feelings and you never want to go away.

Inch by inch Fernando slides in, stretching Saúl to the fullest and he can't hold back a moan when he's finally fully inside, his eyes never leaving Saúl's to make sure he's alright. He gets a little insecure when he sees tears running down the younger man's cheeks but before he can say anything he gets the order to move.

Saúl wraps his legs around Fernando, capturing him between his thighs and letting his hands explore the other's body.

They've found a rhythm easily, revelling in the sweet sensation of the intimate feeling of finally sharing this experience again. Alone. Just the two of them.

Breathing heavily Fernando quickens his pace and Saúl is mesmerized by the beauty of the face above him in this situation, the man he loves, always has. He can't remember how often he's imagined exactly this picture. Those captivating, dark brown, honest eyes framed by the unique freckled skin, wet strands of hair clinging to his forehead. And it's the most beautiful sight he could think of.

Saúl cries out in pleasure when Fernando hits his prostate and from then on it doesn't take long until the air is filled with rhythmic moans.

"Harder! More! Please, I need…" Saúl demands between breaths.

"Anything you wish, gorgeous."

Fernando leans down for a quick kiss, settling against Saúl's chest, trapping his dick between their sweaty bodies and giving it to him just the way he pleases.

Saúl is squirming under Fernando's weight, torn between wanting to escape the almost unbearable arousal and finding that sweet relief. He feels the heat building deep inside him, tightening his grip on Fernando's butt.

"Come for me," Fernando murmurs.

That's enough to send Saúl over the edge with one last hard thrust, the contraction and his groan taking Fernando right with him.

This is it. This must be heaven. Just the two of them, once again stuck together.

Blissfully panting, slowly coming down from his high, Saúl finally wants to return the earlier sentiment.

"I love…"

He's interrupted by a loud and persistent knock on the door as well as the constant ringing of the doorbell.

"Jesus Christ!" Fernando exclaims annoyed.

"What's going on?" Saúl asks confused while once again being stuck to Fernando.

"Whoever dares disturb at this time, be sure I'll…"

"Fernando!!!" Now they can even hear the person yelling.

Fernando would usually ignore the disturbance or call security if necessary but his guts tell him something's off. Also because it's the middle of the night .

"I'm sorry." He carefully pulls out of Saúl, wiping himself briefly with a tissue from the box on the nightstand, offering the box to Saúl afterwards.

Before answering the door he fishes his phone from the scattered jeans on the floor to check the time. But instead of the time he sees his agent calling. He's about to answer when the call goes into voicemail and Fernando only now sees the 20 missed calls and countless voicemail and other notifications.

He calls back.

"Open the fecking door!" is all he gets to hear.

Worridly he frowns at his phone and turns to Saúl.

"My agent. I have no I idea what's going on but if he makes the effort to come here in the middle of the night it must be important. You better stay inside here," Fernando says, grabbing the towel from the floor to throw it around his waist.

Saúl sighs, disappointed by the aprubt ending and especially the missed chance to tell Fernando he loves him, too. So that's what you get if you switch your phone to silent mode... Saúl fumbles for his own phone to find it spammed with messages from Sergio.

_Are you alright?_

_Is Nando alright?_

_Call me!_

_Please, I need to know you're ok._

_Both of you._

_Caaaaaaalllllllllll baaaaack!!!_

12 missed calls as well.

He texts back.

_Not sure, what's going on???_

It only takes about five seconds an he receives a link in response accompanied by an _I'm so sorry._

He clicks on the link, waiting anxiously for it to load.

 

When Fernando opens the door, his agent storms inside, eyeing Fernando suspiciously, clearly noticing what he's been doing by the looks of his client.

"He's here, isn't he?"

"What on earth is going on? You…"

"He needs to leave. Right now."

"Stop! Calm down! Talk to me! What happened that you're charging into my flat in the middle of the night?!"

Fernando's agent finally stops pacing around and looks at him in disbelief. Seriously.

"You really have no clue? When was the last time you checked the news or social media?"

Fernando instantly feels sick, his stomach constricting in a very unpleasant way. He shakes his head afraid of what he's going to be told.

"Ok, I guess that means it's been hours ago. Let me show you."

A phone is shoved in his hands and his eyes turn wide at the sight.

The first thing he sees is a bold headline including his name and words indictating this is about his sexuality and "secret love life". The picture beneath says it all. It shows him and Mu in that bar. He hardly remembers the moment because that's what it was. A short moment with no meaning in any way the headline may suggest.

It shows him in Mu's arms after he had tried to get up but had toppled over after five shots of Sake and his teammate had caught him. And yes, maybe he had kissed him on the neck in order to thank him for not letting him fall in two ways that night. And maybe he had lingered there for just a second too long. But that was just his Spanish self not wasting a thought on Japanese etiquette when in a state like the one he was in.

He scrolls down to find the actual much worse series of pictures which send a sting through his heart upon seeing them.

"No!" he exclaims.

At the same time Saúl thinks exactly that.

No.

Good lord in heaven, please, NO!

This can't be real. He jumps out of bed, running around in circles in the bedroom trying not to scream. Ok, calm down. There's a solution for everything.

That's Fernando. Undoubtedly. With him. At the beach. In a pose that… doesn't leave room for imagination.

Fernando with his hands around his waist. On his chest. On his ass.

Saúl in Fernando's arms. Exposing his neck. Having it sucked in a way that even for Spaniards goes far beyond friendly affection.

An intimate moment.

A supposedly private moment.

  
Fernando is lacking words. All he can think about right now is how this article and the pictures will affect Saúl and possibly ruin his career.

"I thought I was done dealing with that shit!" His agent huffs.

"That's… that's.… Thanks for referring to my love life as shit."

Fernando needs to sit down. How could this happen. He's managed to keep his relationship with Sergio private for years. In Europe. Where they've gotten far more attention than here. Sure, there had been rumours from time to time but they had always found a way to get out of it.

 

Meanwhile Saúl dials Sergio's number in his panic.

"Saúl! Thank God, are you.."

"Sergio! Fuck!"

"Hey…"

"I know I said I'm sick of hiding and all but this… this is…" Saúl blurts out, hardly able to breathe.

"Calm down, calm down, please. Where are you right now?"

"Calm down? Calm down?! I'm about to have a mental breakdown. No one is supposed to know I even left the country! And now this… this is a disaster!" Saúl runs his fingers through his hair nervously.

"God, what did you tell your coach what you're doing? Never mind... Hey, everything's gonna be fine. Are you with Nando?" Sergio tries to calm Saúl down but he knows there's nothing right now he could possibly say that makes it any less bad.

"Aaaargh! I just… I just don't know what to do! And it's not just me. It's Nando! This is the end, I swear…"

"Stop!" Sergio interrupts him, "This isn't the first time there have been rumours or articles of this kind, ok? And there are people who are gonna help us… you deal with them. For now I need you to calm down. Where is Fernando?"

Saúl takes a deep breath. He can only hope Sergio is right and everything seems worse than it really is. His heart is still beating frantically though.

"He's talking to his agent. He came by in the middle of the night to tell him what's going on. Apparently we had our phones switched to silent mode and neither of us noticed the calls or messages. Sergio, I'm sorry about…"

"Saúl! Shsshhh. It's ok, not now. You did nothing wrong. Things like that can happen. If anything I'm the one who needs to be sorry. I'm responsible for the first pic obviously. And the others… Have a look again. Your face isn't visible and luckily you were wearing long sleeves so your tattoos aren't showing. All you can see is that it is a man about the same size as Nando but well, clearly not the Japanese guy from the first photo."

Saúl takes a closer look. Sergio is right. If you don't know he was there, you wouldn't recognize him. Only Fernando's face is fully visible. Which is bad enough.

"You're right. But damn, Nando!"

As if on queue the door opens and Fernando enters the room closing it behind him. Saúl lets his phone drop on the bed and rushes over to embrace him in a tight hug sobbing "I'm sorry" over and over again.

"We have ten minutes," Fernando informs him indicating that they'll have to part sooner than intended.

"Saúl? Saúl? When you come home I'll be here, ok?" A voice sounds from the neglected phone.

"Is that Sergio?" Fernando whispers pulling back slightly.

Saúl just nods, the I'm-so-sorry-expression still plastered to his face.  
  
"Good."

"Good?"

"Yes, it's good to know you won't be alone to deal with this when you return. I know he'll take care of you and this leaves me a lot calmer."

"But…"

"No but. I know it sounds strange and our situation seems a big mess. But I trust him in this. He means well," Fernando explains and hugs Saúl even tighter than before. To be honest he never wants to let him go ever again. It's his own fault. He should have been more careful. He's gotten less cautious in Japan. Careless even. And now he has to pay for it.

Saúl can't stop himself from starting to cry. How did they end up in this disaster? What's his role in this? Is he to blame? He's tried everything he could to stay out of this, hasn't he?

Neither of them speak for a while. They just stand there hugging, comforting each other in silence but at the same time feeling the pain of the inevitable parting grow bigger and bigger.

"You may want to take a quick shower but then I have to make you leave. The security guys are waiting downstairs. They'll take you to the hotel to get your luggage and then directly to the airport. The flight has already been rearranged," Fernando explains sounding calmer and more collected than he actually feels.

"I don't want to waste my time with showering. Kiss me!" Saúl states and pulls Fernando in for a heartfelt kiss, speaking more than a thousand words ever could.

Fernando can't believe how Saúl isn't mad at him and his heart wants to burst at the pure emotions he's experiencing in his presence. The last two days have been crazy. A crazy rollercoaster ride. He can't even grasp the meaning of all that has happened yet. Time will bring clarity.

He hates to ruin the moment, but Saúl should really leave now for his own sake. Fernando pulls back, prompting him that it's time to get dressed.

Saúl does and pulls on his boxer briefs and pants. When he reaches for his t-shirt Fernando grabs it first.

"Can I keep that please? And the sweater as well?"

He needs something he can hold on to once Saúl has left. Something he can cling on to to remind him of the good - perfect - few hours they spent together before the incident ruined their peaceful little bubble and the cruel reality came crashing down on them reminding them of their place.

Saúl nods. "Will I have to go to the hotel naked then?"

"Have one of mine. Not the one from tonight obviously…" A bittersweet smile plays on Fernando's lips.

"Can I take this one?" Saúl grabs a black Balr hoodie which is hanging over the back of a chair.

"Anything you wish," Fernando approves and snatches the hoodie from Saúl, pressing their naked chests together, mapping his back with his fingers before finally helping him pull on the sweater. It smells nicely of a mix of Fernando and his perfume. This is the most valuable piece of clothing he's ever had.

Fernando smoothes Saúl's hair and then rests his hand on his cheek while looking him in the eyes thoughtfully. Time to say goodbye.

Saúl retrieves his phone from the bed and slides it into his pocket. He sighs.

Fernando already has one hand on the doorknob, knowing his agent is waiting right outside to accompany Saúl and make sure to take him to the hotel and airport safely without any paparazzi spotting him.

"I hate to let you go. Especially under these circumstances. Just promise me one thing, please."

"Anything," Saúl says stepping closer.

"Keep in touch. Call me or let me call you. Keep me updated what's going on and be assured you can always talk to me about anything. I hope that's self-evident. I never want us to lose touch ever again. Ok?"

"As if this was even possible."

Their lips find each other's one last time. "Promised."

Fernando opens the door and Saúl pushes himself past him reluctantly.

"Great, let's go," the agent announces slightly annoyed.

Fernando is about to close the door to hide in his bedroom forever when Saúl turns around.

"Nando?"

He pops his head out the doorframe.

"I love you, too."


	26. Intruder On the Pitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I'm back with a quicker update this time.
> 
> I had to mess a bit with the time of the derby taking place. Hope you don't mind.
> 
> Enjoy! :D

_Madrid, October 2018_

  
From the moment Saúl has left Fernando's apartment, everything's happened like a time lapse and suddenly he's back on the plane left with a surreal feeling of the recent events. Mixed feelings ranging from on top of the world to the depths of despair.

Saúl throws his head back against the headrest, annoyed that he can't find sleep. He's been texting with Sergio who assured him he would meet him at his house as soon as he arrives. But for now he had to promise him to try and get some rest. And Saúl wishes he could because he is fucking wrecked. Physically and mentally alike.

Fernando has messaged him, too. Caring, sweet, encouraging words. Which he really appreciates but somehow they make his heart ache even more. He can't bring himself to respond right now. It's the guilt. Saúl is still so upset that Fernando got in trouble because of him that he can't calm down no matter how hard he tries. He pulls the collar of the hoodie over his mouth and nose, and the hood on his head and settles back in his seat, arms crossed over his chest. Behind closed eyes, with the scent of Fernando in his nostrils, their night together starts playing back and forth and somehow this seems to finally distract him enough to drift off for an hour or two.

When he finally arrives home in the early morning hours without any incidents, he's relieved to really find Sergio waiting there for him and never before has he launched himself into the other's arms without hesitation so fast. Sergio welcomes him and holds him tight. Just holds him without saying anything and he doesn't need to. He understands exactly how Saúl is feeling. And Saúl is truly grateful to have Sergio by his side right now. He doesn't know how and when, and considering their situation and constellation it may sound offbeat, but he's tempted to say they've become friends.

"Come on, let's go inside," Sergio finally says planting a kiss on Saúl's hair and releasing the embrace.

Saúl drops his bag in the hall and then proceeds to the sitting room where he plops down on the sofa with a long sigh.

"Do you want to talk?" Sergio offers standing opposite him, a very concerned look on his face.

Saúl shakes his head and pets the spot next to him. Sergio gets the hint and sits down, suddenly unsure about how to behave.

"I'm exhausted. I just want to sleep," Saúl informs him and makes himself comfortable, stretching his legs and closing his eyes with a long yawn. He can't keep them open one second longer.

"Oh, ok. Shall... Shall I leave?" Sergio wants to slap himself the second he's said that. Since when is he so insecure? Sure Saúl wouldn't have made him sit down next to him if he wanted him to leave. _Idiot_.

"No. Please don't," Saúl whispers already half asleep and drapes one arm around Sergio's waist. He doesn't know why he's so straight forward today but he just acts on instinct because he's too fucking tired to care and sick of contemplating and explaining every move. But he knows one thing. He doesn't want to be alone and Sergio's presence and the warmth give him the calm he needs to finally go to a long overdue sleep.

Sergio is a bit taken aback by Saúl's sudden request for body contact and more so about his own heart speeding up at the touch. Sure something has happened while he was away, but they were cool hours ago when they were texting. He settles beside him so that Saúl is now laying on his side with Sergio in front of him, pulling him closer. Sergio puts his hands on Saúl's arm and closes his eyes, trying to calm down his racing heart and mind.

 

When Saúl wakes up he needs a minute to grasp the situation. His head is spinning. He sighs in relief when he finds himself to be at his own house. Stirring uneasily he gets up when he hears a noise coming from the kitchen. He walks over to see Sergio preparing a drink while humming along to the song on the radio. Right, he isn't alone. The sight makes him smile.

Sergio jumps when he turns around and finds Saúl leaning in the door frame.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he asks putting a cup on the kitchen table.

"Better, I suppose. Did you make coffee?"

Sergio gestures for him to take a seat.

"Not exactly. A good friend of mine used to make me this whenever I felt very bad. It works wonders, believe me. I figured you could use one, too."

Saúl sits down and smells at the mysterious steaming drink.

"Cola Cao?"

Sergio smiles at him and internally pets his shoulder when he sees Saúl's face lighten up at the recognition.

"Yes," Sergio confirms proudly, "and I also made you a sandwich. I assume you haven't eaten for hours so I hope it was ok to go around your kitchen."

Sergio places the plate in front of Saúl and then takes the seat opposite him.

Saúl can't help blushing. "As long as you didn't try to cook something."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I heard cooking is not exactly one of your strong suits…" Saúl retorts grinning.

"Hey! I doubt that." Sergio leans back crossing his arms in front of his chest in a played pout.

Saúl takes another sip from his Cola Cao, lightly burning his lips in the process because he can't help laughing.

"Ha, serves you right," Sergio comments but his features are soft and he's laughing, too, now.

"Thank you. You didnt need to do this, though." And as if on queue his grumbling stomach contradicts.

When Saúl's finished, Sergio dares subtly addressing their current issue again.

"When do you have to be back at the club?"

"I'm supposed to meet the physio at five. Why?"

Sergio tries to think of a way how to best phrase his concern.

"Saúl, I know you don't want to talk about what happened in Japan."

And he's right. Saúl instantly tenses at the mention, all his senses going alert.

"I mean, I'm dying to know how things went with Fernando but I also understand that it's none of my business. And I would love to say what happens in Japan stays in Japan but obviously… I just want to say, prepare for your teammates and anyone else you meet to ask questions. About where exactly you have been and if you heard about Fernando and… You may just want to be prepared."

 

***

 

Sergio was right. He had to face some questions indeed. He's said something about having to have visited his parents, helping them with some family affairs and that yes, he had seen the article but hasn't been in contact with Fernando and thus can't say anything and besides doesn't want to. He hates lying to the guys, especially Koke who he is convinced didn't believe a single word but played along. Same goes for his captain and Antoine.

Anyway, everyone seemed happy that he's back and after two more days of individual training could resume working with the team and hopefully get fit for the derby in time.

One week has passed by quickly and the fuss about the pictures and the article has died down faster than Saúl expected. Fernando has assured him that he hasn't been bothered about it by anyone in Japan other than his teammates making fun of him for letting Mu make him drunk. But he and Mu are cool and thanks to Saúl and the distraction by his team and work he doesn't stress over Sergio's silly break up scene too much. Although he's still trying to figure out what on earth Sergio's been thinking. Most importantly Fernando is relieved that Saúl didn't get in trouble and that he finally spilled his guts to him. Even if he has no idea what this means for their relationship now. Or his relationship with Sergio. If there still is one.

  
It's derby day and Saúl is back in the squad and as always super excited. No matter how many derbies you have played before, this special kind of excitement will never go away. This time is extra special, though. First of all he's starting straight after coming back from injury and secondly he's never been this nervous to play against Sergio. It feels… different now that they're friends. He wonders how it must have felt for Fernando.

The game is in full swing when Saúl gets tackled hard by Sergio and is brought down ungracefully. Sergio apologizes immediately and Saúl is ok, really, but heated as matches of these kind usually get, his captain has some "friendly" words to throw at Sergio and he isn't one to leave them unanswered. It goes mostly unnoticed and so the game goes on as usual soon after.

They are five minutes into the second half when a great agitation breaks loose and Saúl sees a person running onto the field. Not that he's never seen this happening before but never before has a streaker come aiming straight for him. Before he or anyone can do anything the guy is in his face, yelling, "You're Torres' little bitch and I have proof…"

He doesn't get to finish his sentence as security are already forcing him off of Saúl and away. That's when Marcelo notices Sergio's up to no good when he sees him run after the intruder. Thankfully he's close enough to catch up just in time to prevent his captain from punching the guy in the face and causing a lot of trouble and questions about his actions.

"Sergio, calm the fuck down!" he hisses while holding his arms back with all his strength. Sergio's first reaction is to fight him but he soon gives up to hurry over to Saúl and check on him instead.

Despite the heat of the game Saúl is as pale as a ghost and looks like he's literally just seen one.

"Hey, you alright?" Sergio wants to hug him but he's shoved away by Godin.

"Fuck off, Ramos!" the Atlético captain spits accompanied by a look that makes Sergio think for once before he reacts and he decides that it would look very awkward indeed if he approached "the enemy" like this. So he lets himself be guided away by Marcelo and jogs back into position.

Concerned he glances back to Saúl who still looks distraught. It's no surprise they both don't play the game of their lives after this incident. In the end Real win but neither Saúl nor Sergio couldn't care less. Which has probably never been the case before.

  
Sergio couldn't wait to drive over to Saúl's and check on him properly. He's sure he's not alright. So when Saúl opens the door, still not looking his best but with a healthy colour back to his face, Sergio sighs in relief and finally hugs him with all his heart. And Saúl gratefully accepts the gesture and welcomes him in. He would lie if he said he didn't expect or rather hoped for Sergio to show up.

It almost feels natural and like a habit they've adopted when Saúl guides Sergio to the sofa and makes him lie there with him, throwing a blanket over them. Sergio holds up his arm to receive the younger man and starts stroking his hair soothingly when Saúl settles his head on his chest comfortably.

Sergio is worried to hell about the boy in his arms. Not that he'd complain about them being closer and sharing intimacy but looking for attention like this is pretty much unlike Saúl. He would never do it before. Before Japan. The thing is, whenever he is touched by Saúl now Sergio's heart starts speeding up and his skin is tingling. He starts wondering wether he is still ok. He was fine when Saúl left for Japan. Confident that his plan would work out and everything's going to be alright. And now… Sergio can't shake off the feeling that he's to blame for putting them all in this unpleasant situation and he tries to think of a way to convince Saúl that it's not his fault how things went.

"He said I were… I were…" Saúl interrupts Sergio's trail of thought. He can't bring himself to say the words out loud.

Oh, Sergio thinks. He didn't expect Saúl to start talking so soon. Wait, that streaker went straight to Saúl to… "What? What did he say?"

Sergio stills his hand and Saúl lifts his head to look at him.

"He said," Saúl swallows hard before continuing, "'You're Torres' little bitch and I have proof.'"

He says this in a way, somehow indifferent, almost apathetic but also full of fear and with a hint of guilt, that Sergio's stomach twists painfully and he feels so bad he doesn't know how to react at first. His head just screams protect protect protect. He wanted to make Saúl feel better, not suffer more.

Sergio tightens his grip and Saúl chokes out a broken "What if…?"

"Shhhh…" Sergio picks up stroking Saúl's head again in comfort.

Saúl lets him for a moment, craving the consoling touch, but then turns around to face Sergio while lying on top of him.

"What if he's right? What does he want? Money? He can have it. Just burn the photos and leave us alone!"

"Saúl," Sergio pulls him up a bit to make them more comfortable. "To be honest, I think if he really wanted to blackmail you and he really had proof, as he called it, he would have approached you in a different way. That guy only wanted attention and I'm pretty sure he is not the person who took the pictures."

Saúl sighs. He really wants to believe Sergio and can only hope he is right. This was truly a shock today. He thought the matter had subsided and then it just reappeared like that. Out of the blue, in a time and place where he least expected it to. Is this what it will be like from now on? Will he be living in constant fear that he could be exposed one day? And what if?

He meets Sergio's eyes, examining them and finding them to convey warmth, affection, faith and a promise of protection.

Sergio once again wraps his arms around Saúl and when his gaze finds those doubtful, guilty grey eyes of the boy he considers the most innocent in the world, his heart starts thudding violently against his chest and for a moment he forgets to breathe.

His hands slowly travel up Saúl's back and cup his face, his thumbs caressing the young man's cheeks, losing himself in the beauty in front of him. Every fibre of his body suddenly wants to kiss him. Just for a heartbeat the noise of his own blood rushing through his ears gets muted so he can hear his brain scream at him to pull back. _Don't risk your friendship and ruin his trust, idiot!_  

Thankfully he starts to breathe again and supply his brain with enough oxygen to think straight and remind himself of his place.

Sergio clears his throat, noticeably surprised and confused about himself, and makes up a quick lie to escape the risky situation.

"I… I'm sorry, I totally forgot I have an appointment. I gotta go."

Saúl seems to welcome this little white lie as well. He's as red as a tomato, trying to awkwardly hide his own embarrassment when he rolls off Sergio to let him get up.  
  
"See you soon," Sergio says hugging him briefly before hurrying out of the house and leaving a very perplexed Saúl to himself.

 

 


End file.
